June 27, 2015.

Four years and one week ago, my brother-in-law and I were standing around talking about my going to Israel for six weeks-- that he and my sister would come over to have breakfast the day I left, cutting short his planned camping trip the night before. A week later, I experienced grief for the first time. Before Jake's death, I hadn’t been close to anyone who'd passed away, only knowing that heartache vicariously through others. But he was my brother. I miss his friendship every day.

The months preceding his death, God was teaching me the phrase, “Lord willing.” Like, “Lord willing, we'll have lunch Thursday,” or “If the Lord wills it, I’ll text you when I get home.” And as I grew into the habit of prefacing my future plans with His sovereignty, He taught me that sometimes He isn’t willing. Sometimes, our plans differ from His and we’re faced with this seemingly unbeatable thing and we have no idea what to do, but we have to keep our eyes on Him (2 Chronicles 20:12).

Two weeks before he died, my sister and I were discussing a song on the radio about God’s mercy in teaching and blessing us through painful circumstances. We both admitted to feeling like we’d never really suffered, like our faith hadn’t been truly tested, shaken (Hebrews 12:28). That night I prayed that He would bring tests along that would cause my truest nature to be made known. Apparently of that the Lord was willing.

I hope to show you the preparation that God has given me for "various trials" (1 Peter 1:6) so often in the past, a cycle He repeated in this circumstance. Not until recently did I see this cycle so clearly: I pray for something, He prepares me for His answer, He provides-- both the trial and the ability to endure. 

This time as preparation, we were given two things. The first was extra time with my brother-in-law. I am inexpressibly thankful for this. He was in medical school and therefore very busy. I typically only saw him once a week for a half hour before church in which we’d discuss a thousand things in rapid succession. But, the month leading up to his death was his school break. My sister got to travel a bit with him. The Lord worked it out for he and I to ride to a church 45 minutes away together, despite all my other attempted plans. I’ll forever cherish those times and those final conversations we got to have. Truly the Lord gives good gifts to His children (Matthew 7:11).

Second, He prepared us with the study of 1 Peter 1. The Bible study he and I were going to that was 45 minutes away was one we, my sister included, attended regularly. That month, the teaching was about 1 Peter, the “if necessary,” of being “grieved by various trials.” A few weeks after his death, my parents both sent me that same chapter, having separately been led to it when searching for comfort, not knowing the Lord had been using it already to comfort me and my sister. He united us in awe of Him, in trust and hope. He intertwined His answers, knitting our hearts together (Colossians 2:2) that we might lean on one another, "bearing each other's burdens" (Galatians 6:2). 

These were both combined with the myriad of past lessons in patience and trust, hope in disappointment, and the effects of speech on attitude and outlook. Most importantly, the lessons about His past actions and the proof of His nature by years of daily, personal study of His Word.

However, I feel this grief manifesting itself even today in many of my decisions. Subconsciously, I’m expecting all my plans to fall through and everything to change, until the very moment that it comes to fruition. Or I’ll turn my back on potential relationships because of a fear of giving myself to someone and losing them. Or I’m unable to plan anything that takes place in more than a few months, because I am hesitant to think I have that long. Or...etc.

Still, I often find that I am jealous for those times closely succeeding his death. Despite the ache and the sorrow, He kept me constant, He held me steady, and He graciously reminded me of Himself, of His power and His love and His kindness and His wisdom. Who He is shone so brightly to me in that time. I felt everything deeply, yet carried it lightly, constantly offering it again to God.

My faith was shaken but the Rock was steady. He anchored me with hope and joy.

I know that life can be overwhelming and that we face different things and feel different things in response to them. I do not pretend to be an expert by any means. But I know what the Lord has done for me (Psalm 66:8-16) and how He has taught me to react; I hope that you might be strengthened and encouraged to press on.

I had to remind myself over and over again-- through doubt or tears or numbness or anger or self-pity-- that my lot is secure; my portion steadfast (Psalm 16:5, etc.). My inheritance is “undefiled and unfading, kept in heaven for” me, as I, “by God’s power,” am “being guarded through faith” (1 Peter 1). My reward is immovable, for He has won it; indeed He has become it. He is the victory I need.

[Side note: Christianity isn't an undercover ploy of greed and pride that allows people to "believe" only enough to get them to Heaven when they die. Many church-goers function this way. Christianity is the teaching that, through His own suffering, Jesus has joined us in our suffering, giving it a hope and a purpose-- a God Who can both sympathize with human weakness and walk in divine power over sin and death. Eternal life is the continuation and deepening of fellowship with God, not some promise for gratification of the fleshly desires for admiration and selfish gain we pretended not to have while we served "others" on earth. He renews us in life by the power of the Spirit; He remakes us completely in death by the unveiled sight of His Son (2 Corinthians 3:18, 1 John 3:2).] 

There is always something about which to be grateful. He is always working. Over all things He is sovereign. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). This isn't just a saying for a greeting card, this is a real, tested truth. Stop fearing your pain or your uncertainty; fear God. No suffering will meet you that has not been approved and reworked by a God of infinite understanding and kindness to make you better, to make you more like Jesus, "a man of sorrows, familiar with suffering" (Isaiah 53).

Remind yourself of this truth, even if it’s a moment by moment forgetting and recitation. Train yourself to perceive all things through the filter of the Word of God, the Truth of Jesus, and the Conviction of the Holy Spirit. You have to be willing and disciplined in each memory or new situation to speak it again.

To not get discouraged when you feel you’ve landed in the same place as you were before.

To not be a "hindrance" to yourself by "not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man" (Matthew 16:23).

To not doubt that God has your best interest in mind.

To not allow yourself to feel entitled to bitterness or despair.

There is always hope, there is always forgiveness, you just have to look up (John 3:14). 

So if you find yourself at this moment in the grasp of great pain, do not be dismayed; it is likely the Lord has been working often to prepare you. Look back, take inventory of the training in various aspects of Godliness He has provided you with, and plunge ahead with renewed courage and thanksgiving. He has not left you alone, He will not leave you vulnerable. Fix your eyes, for He is leading you in this battle as the Head of the charge. The Death Conqueror is your King, your Defender, your Guide. What have you to fear but forgetting to look to that King and trust His orders? 

Find reinforced cover by seeking out Christian brothers and sisters to fight alongside you, listening to the comfort of those before you, looking for those in need of comfort behind you (2 Corinthians 1:3-7). Kneel behind that common shield of faith and skillfully wield it as protection from the efforts of the enemy. Trust the sword of the Word of Truth to find its targets. Cling to both with the strength found in the arms of the Creator God; "entrust your soul to" Him for He is faithful, and "do not grow weary of doing good" (Galatians 6:9). 

Keep hope in the Risen Lamb, Who from His doomed journey of certain death, returned to His throne in the light of eternal power, inexhaustible purity, and conquering grace.

What about you?

Have you lost someone close to you? What do remember most from that time of grief? What helpsyou to cope?

When a Christian Falls Away

"...and some of the wise shall stumble, so that they may be refined, purified, and made white..." (Daniel 11:35)

It hurts to hear someone who once followed Christ has traded Him for the pleasures of the world. There are those who go astray who were never true in their repentance at the first, just as John says in 1 John 2:19. But I believe that there are true believers, too, who walk away, spend a good deal of their time saying "yes" to sin (Titus 2:12), and return, never having lost their status as "son" in Christ, but grieving the Holy Spirit all the same.

In fact, as the Prodigal Son gave everything to his momentary pleasure until he had nothing left, it is often this wallowing in sin that causes many to return to God with even greater humility and awe and joy, knowing that when they went astray, He was steady and they were "kept" (Jude 1:1).

I don't believe God revokes justification. I don't believe we keep ourselves saved by our obedience. But where does 1 John fit into this? There is a whole section expounding the fact that "no one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's Seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God."

I think the difference is understood in this: time.

There are those who never truly knew Christ, but spoke as though they did-- and maybe even believed it themselves. In the middle of all the church activities, just like those crowds who welcomed Jesus into Jerusalem shouting one day that He was their King and the next that He should die.

After these have turned to pursue the world, few return, nor do they find any reason to. All they thought they knew of God was only second-hand and disappointing. What they had in church was never any more real (and a lot less visceral) to them than the temporary highs the world has given them since they've abandoned Him and His teaching.

However, for those who do know Christ, I feel like in the back of their minds they still fight with themselves, even just a little, knowing that what they are doing won't give them the lasting fulfillment they want. They get more and more determined to misattribute the depression and fear and shame they feel and seek to override it by committing more shameful acts until one day they find they can't continue. And so they repent because, despite all the anxiety toward returning to Christ and His church, they recognize it as the only complete hope and light to be found in the world.

And that is the difference: they do come back.

They come back to the peace and joy of God found in the study and practice of His commands.

Not back to favor with God or to salvation because that can't be lost. Those who have been called and justified cannot annul the promise of being glorified (Romans 8:30). They have the promise that the work that has been started in them by God will also be brought to completion by God (Philippians 1:6). They have the Holy Spirit as a guarantee of their salvation (Ephesians 1:4), no matter how well they've managed to stifle His conviction.

Our position before God is never based on us and how well we do choosing Christ and abstaining from sin. It is based in Christ. Always and only Christ-- His holy birth, His holy life, His holy death, His holy resurrection, all "according to the Scriptures," (1 Corinthians 15:3-4) and all the basis for the new covenant (Hebrews, especially 10:11-18) through which we stand before God.

As Colossians 3:3 states, we are hidden with Christ in God. What does this mean but that the unity Jesus prayed for in John 17 has been granted-- that just as He and the Father are one, so we also may be one with each other and, all together, with Him.

We cannot be separated. The Father and Christ cannot be separated; they are One eternally. The Father turned His back on His Son on the cross as He became sin for us (1 Corinthians 5:21), but Jesus didn't cease to be the Father's Son. No, that inexorable title and nature is what caused Christ to rise from the dead in victory! In salvation, we, too-- because we are "hidden in" (within; protected, renewed, kept, and insured by) One who will never be cast away-- are ourselves never to be cast away.

Perhaps you will say that because we are hidden in Christ, we will not give in to sin again for any extended amount of time. Lord willing that will be true. But how much time is too much? For surely we all sin, and that sin takes time to commit. Is there a limit? a grace period that expires at a certain mark, after which you lose your salvation? I don't believe there to be such a scale.

Let's go back to Colossians 3, adding in Ephesians 2-4 which begins with Paul telling us that, though still physically on earth, we also are seated with Christ in Heaven. We see from the order of action in both of these passages that it is only from that position that we are able to give up sin. We are not in Christ because we are doing a good job of resisting temptation on our own. We fight to become sinless because we have been made alive in Christ, and it is only by the strength that He provides that we can obey (Philippians 2:13).

Our position doesn't change because Christ never changes, and, if we are in Him, we are protected by His perfection. He has given His perfect record to us forever. He did not wipe our slate clean at the beginning of salvation to then begin a new record of wrongs.

Yes, God knows our current sins. He isn't blind to our actions; He knows when we've gone astray. But He doesn't attach His wrath to that knowledge, "for Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God." The sentence for every sin we have, are, or will commit has already been spent on Christ.

And that is why we shouldn't continue sinning.

Why Hebrews 10 goes on to say that when we sin, we have "trampled underfoot the Son of God, and profaned the blood of the covenant by which [we are] sanctified, and has treated with arrogance the Spirit of grace."

How dare we disgrace that which has given us our freedom. How much greater wrath do we deserve who spitefully disregard He Who destroyed Himself, so we could be made whole in Him? What further hope do we have than Christ?

But His blood and His covenant, even in the face of great contempt, do not become ineffectual. Because God cannot deny Himself (2 Timothy 2:13), He remains faithful to the covenant He has made with His Son and with us, even when we wander.

Christ is our sacrifice, pointing to His once and for all pardon.

Christ is our King and our Judge, reminding us of His Law and writing it on our hearts, disciplining us in whatever way necessary to cause us to feel true remorse over the "sin that so easily entangles" (Hebrews 12:1) that we might return to Him in repentance.

Christ is our High Priest, "praying for us that our faith may not fail" and instructing us to "strengthen our brothers" by pointing out the deceitfulness of sin and the "surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:8).

If we are truly in Christ, eventually we will listen. And when we've returned, we will have been further refined and purified through the fire of disappointment, discipline, and repentance.

More than Conquerors

“We are more than conquerors through Him Who loved us.” “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”

Freedom.

It feels like our worship leaders always quote this during an interlude and we rejoice in it, but how does this freedom affect our lives? What does it free us to do, exactly? Why are we said to be free yet so often called slaves and servants of God and to righteousness?

There is an important distinction: we have been freed from something, but also for something. Freedom from death, freedom for righteousness.

The primary freedom for those in Christ is from the spiritual and eternal death that results from our sin.

At one time we were slaves to sin, slaves to our passions and desires, to that which cannot fully satisfy. We were slaves, because we were unable to do any differently. We were unable to change our desires, our feelings, our thoughts, our actions. 

On our own, we cannot seek God, "no one can come to [Him] unless the Father draws him" (John 6:44). It is He Who gives us the faith to trust in Him. It is that faith which leads us to repentance, to seeing God for Who He is, and, subsequently, ourselves for who we are in comparison to Him. No one trusting in self or sin will inherit Heaven. “And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God” (1 Corinthians 6:11). 

Through Christ, we are freed from death.

But there is another aspect to this freedom. Through Christ, we are also freed for day-to-day obedience to the Son and the sanctification of the Spirit.

Jesus told His disciples He no longer called them slaves but sons. Slaves do not know the Master’s business, they only do as directed. As sons, there is more than mere duty behind the actions; it is imitation of a father by his child. It is motivated by love and respect and admiration.

In other chapters, Jesus says that we are servants of righteousness. “So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty’” (Luke 17:10). How can both be true? How can we be slaves and also not slaves?

In the former, Jesus talks about motivation-- why we obey. The latter is directed toward our attitude-- how we obey, how we react to that obedience. “Does [the master] thank the servant because he did what was commanded?” No, it “was our duty.” This speaks to our sense of entitlement. We think God owes us something, because we’ve obeyed a few of the commands He died to equip us to carry out. “It is He Who works in us, both to will and to work according to His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13). It is “He Who began a good work in you” and will “carry it on to completion” (Philippians 1:6). Though we must consciously fight against sin, it is “not I, but the grace of God that is with me” (1 Corinthians 15:10). Servants of righteousness.

We are freed from who are were so that we might become like Christ. But we can't embrace who we are in Christ if we don't separate from who we were before Him. We must renounce sin and replace it with what is right. To not only “hate what is evil,” but also to “cling to what is good” (Romans 12:9). To not only remove “filthiness, foolish talk, and coarse joking, which are out of place among the saints,” but to fill your mouths with “thanksgiving” (Ephesians 5).

Removing sin without replacing it with obedience is to open the door for bitterness. We're tempted to fill our mind with what we’ve been “deprived” of. We're tempted to see God as a bit of a cosmic buzzkill.

This is where Satan got Eve: she focused on being commanded not to eat from one single tree, forgetting her freedom to enjoy the fruit of every other tree in the garden. And she fell to that temptation. We cannot think Christianity is simply to “deny yourself.". It is also to “take up your cross, and follow [Christ],” to become like Him, your desires aligned with His. To “renew your mind” and act accordingly (Romans 12:2).

Freedom from gossip.

Freedom from lying.

Freedom from tearing down.

Freedom from complaining.

Freedom from superficiality.

Freedom for encouragement.

Freedom for speaking the truth in love, with gentleness and respect.

Freedom for building up.

Freedom for giving thanks.

Freedom for vulnerability.

Freedom from loneliness.

Freedom from selfishness.

Freedom from any hint of sexual immorality.

Freedom from pornography.

Freedom from abuse and manipulation.

Freedom for “bearing one another’s burdens.”

Freedom for “outdoing one another in showing honor.”

Freedom for purity.

Freedom for intimacy.

Freedom for symbolizing Christ and the Church.

Freedom from wrath; freedom for peace.

Freedom from sin; freedom for righteousness.

Freedom from death; freedom for everlasting life.

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and Godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for Himself a people for His Own possession who are zealous for good works” (Titus 2).

"Only God can judge me."

Cultural Jesus today is vastly different than Biblical Jesus.

The world remembers Jesus's love of the outcast but ignores His correction, His charge to the healed to "sin no more."

They remember "For God so loved the world," but ignore that "sending His only begotten Son" was necessary for that love to be salvific.

Our pride causes us to hate being corrected. Who do they think they are to tell me what to do? People appease themselves by saying "only God can judge me," but it is rare that they actually believe He will. If that were the case, they would welcome the correction of humans in light of the holiness and justice of God in His judgment and discipline.

Maybe this is the church's fault. We try so hard to play down the offense of the Gospel by quickly flying through the verses about "falling short" of His glory, being "children of wrath," and deserving His eternal punishment for our many crimes against our Creator. We skip right to the "good stuff," emphasizing His love, His interception of eternal death on our behalf so that we may, in turn, experience His life. And that is good stuff! But it cannot be fully realized if we do not feel the weight of His wrath, of our sinful natures and actions.

His wrath is also the "good stuff."

His justice and His righteousness and His faithfulness to His commands and holiness are very very good. (And what a relief it is to know that God is "not a man, that He should change His mind"!) Forgetting our problems and inability to please God, skipping right to "but don't worry, because He died for you," makes the Gospel man-centered. Skipping over the wrath is a disservice to those who may be called, regenerated, and justified by the Gospel.

Without a proper view of God's righteousness, it's easy to think Jesus died because of us, because God loved us too much to be separated from us. Sure, He does. But God also loves His Own glory. Making His enemies into His children, changing the sinful nature of their hearts into the perfect nature of His Son is glorious. This shift of focus from God to man causes all kinds of problems when  we interpret the Bible and apply it to our lives.

It's time to investigate if we love Jesus or we love how Jesus makes us feel about ourselves.

See, cultural Jesus accepts everyone, tolerates their behavior, and soothes them with words of affirmation that we wish to one day hear a significant other whisper over us as we fall asleep every night.

Cultural Jesus tells them he understands, he knows what it's like. Sin is hard to avoid and therefore you know, it's actually okay to keep sinning, maybe he was being a bit harsh.

Cultural Jesus looks exactly the way we want him to-- shaped according to our ideals, our morals, our hopes, our personalities, our sin. We form him in our image. We make sure his stances match up to our feelings. Cultural Jesus looks a lot like us, and we worship Him for it.

Biblical Jesus changes everything and everyone He comes in contact with. He doesn't look into our souls and tell us we're doing alright, just keep doin' you. He's not here to boost our self-esteem or status, but to give us a joy and confidence that stands unmoved forever outside of ourselves, dependent only on His unchangeable nature and power and kindness and victory, not on our successes and failures.

He is not one to give His approval to that which is shameful or harmful or impure. He is "the Way, the Truth, and the Life," and He brings us to the Father to be made new, refreshed by the beauty and closeness of fellowship with an entirely "other," supernatural Being.

Biblical Jesus has feelings, and He knows pain and distress and rejection. He is present and He is near to those who trust in Him. We get so offended when we think of His anger toward those who do not repent to trust in Him. We think that it's unfair. "Shouldn't a God of love, love everyone?," and "if He loves everyone, He couldn't condemn them to hell."

We see that lack of fellowship and dismiss Him as unjust, but He isn't the one rejecting the opportunity for salvation. He did His part, and it cost Him His life.

Biblical Jesus does love us in our sinful state, and He does take us as we are. He doesn't require us to make ourselves clean in order to come to Him.

Biblical Jesus also loves us enough to strengthen and lead us and to "work in us to will and to work according to His good pleasure." We feel the you is kinds, you is smarts, and you is importants of the world in our souls, but there is even greater encouragement in Christ. His intimate knowledge of you, of your individuality, your passions, your fears. And with the fullest possible knowledge of you, He intercedes, He repairs, He shapes.

What greater encouragement exists? He does not make you less you; He makes you more you than you ever knew you could be, because He's the One that designed you! What better freedom is there to be found in this world than to belong to and be skillfully developed by the One Who formed every part of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual being?

Biblical Jesus isn't just the Priest to sacrifice for us, He is the King and the Judge. He isn't just righteous, He is the Lawgiver and Executor. He is simultaneously requiring us to be and making us holy.

Believer, "you are not your own, for you were bought with a price." You cannot make yourself lost to the One Who purchased you. You are His. He will seek you when you stray, He will satisfy your deepest soul-longings when you stay. 

People accept cultural Jesus because He thinks they're great just the way they are.

Biblical Jesus accepts us because He died to make us acceptable. Literally died for us. Hello. 

One would allow you to live your life in a way he knows to be dangerous just because you enjoy it for now.
The Other was raised from the dead so we could walk in obedience, in that which is truly "life and breath and everything," "because you are precious in [His] eyes, and honored, and [He loves] you."

He has "set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life."

Can I Please God if I'm Just a...?

Related in part to my previous post, found here.

It's very easy for us Christians to feel stuck in a mold. We look around, trying to model our lives after those we admire. We try to conform to their beliefs and personalities and books. Instead of looking to imitate them as they imitate Christ in a way personal to us, we attempt to repeat their choices. 

So, the Church can become a semi-indistinguishable mass when it comes to our futures goals. Everyone wants to be in full-time ministry or a missionary, not taking into consideration if their personalities or persistent struggles line up with it. 

There is caution to be taken. 

It isn't shameful to step back and acknowledge that maybe your quick-tempered, impatient, or somber personality, or the fact that you are prone to condescension or gossip or people-pleasing probably should exclude you from becoming a prominent church leader. 

And there are also spiritual gifts to be considered, because the Holy Spirit controls them and He knows what we've been created to do. We are all equipped with different talents and interests given to us by God to diligently study, practice, and improve upon. And He has given these skills very specifically, according to His will.

We all have different personalities, and, even if we are in the process of being sanctified, some aspects of said personalities should cause us to rethink placing ourselves in a position in which we know we will stumble and possibly destroy the Lord's reputation to hundreds or even thousands of people. We don't need to knowingly place ourselves in tempting situations to prove we are stronger than sin. Running in the opposite direction will typically prove more efficient.

Look, the desire to lead a congregation is a great thing. Many people are made for ministerial jobs, and if those truly called and equipped were not willing, we little sheep would be in sore shape. However, there are other jobs and activities that can bring glory to God. You don't need to be at the pulpit or in the jungle to make a difference for the Lord, and we shouldn't pretend that "secular" jobs are ever truly secular for the Christian. 

God made each of us individually. We shouldn't feel pressure to ignore things which stir up our affections for Him. Personally, any time I read something about space, or the order found through scientific study, or archaeology, or even architecture, I am filled with awe for the Lord and how He maintains His creation and reputation throughout all time. The study or practice of any subject that creates that response in us is worship. Maybe through the discipline of sports or the creative planning of an outfit or the building of furniture causes you to think of the Lord with thankfulness and awe. No Christian should ever tell you that is not a holy occupation. 

It is frustrating to me that we tend not to encourage pursuing a career as an engineer or business owner or, I don't know, race car driver as much as we encourage those who talk about working at a church or in a foreign country. Why do we see anything a Christian does as "common", when God has redeemed us through His Son, calling us and our lives "holy to the Lord," dedicated to His purpose?

Becoming a pastor would be disobedience for the man God called to mow lawns. Forsaking the comforts of home to do full-time missions in a dangerous place would be sin for the woman God called to take care of her elderly parents back home. (And of course the opposite can also be true.)

Every job becomes holy when the person doing it has been reconciled to the Lord and "honors Him as holy" (1 Peter 3:15). And there are no inherently "holy" occupations that would excuse you for ignoring God's direction. 

Above all, we are never excused from sharing the Gospel, no matter our personalities or occupations. If we're better suited to do that by "low-class" work, do it with passion and diligence, for the glory of the Lord. If suited to "high-profile" work, do it with that same passion and diligence, for the glory of the Lord. If it is His calling for us, we should never be swayed by the title and "nobility" of the task, only by the title and nobility of the Christ Who bought us with His blood. Our consideration should be "always, only Christ" and how we can be of most use to Him today.

Whatever situation the Lord has for us, remember Him and acknowledge Him in all your ways. That is the occupation He commends.

A One Year Anniversary

"When we pray to be sanctified, are we prepared to face the standard of these verses? We take the term sanctification much too lightly. Are we prepared for what sanctification will cost? It will cost an intense narrowing of all our interests on earth, and an immense broadening of our interests in God. Sanctification means intense concentration on God's point of view. It means every power of body, soul and spirit chained and kept for God's purpose only. Are we prepared for God to do in us all that He separated us for?... Sanctification means being made one with Jesus so that the disposition that ruled Him will rule us. Are we prepared for what that will cost? It will cost everything that is not of God in us." -Oswald Chambers.

It’s hard for me to believe it’s been a year since my brother-in-law went home to be with the Lord. I’ve seen such beauty in the grace and goodness and providence of the Lord. Jesus has proven Himself to be the joy and stronghold in the stormy night for me, my sister, and our families. The storm has rained down grief and sorrow, but it has only served to water the ground of grace, founded in the Gospel of Christ, bringing forth praise!

It's been a difficult path, one that we hadn’t intended to walk, but God, in His infinite wisdom, led us on that way. I am thankful for His grace that kept my feet upon His narrow path, and I am thankful, in Him, for the path itself. It took time for me to be able to say, by grace, that because of the sovereignty and kindness of God, I am thankful for the life and timing of the death of Jacob.

Charles Spurgeon has said, “There is an essential difference between the decease of the Godly and the death of the unGodly. Death comes to the unGodly man as a penal infliction, but to the righteous as a summons to his Father's palace. To the sinner it is an execution, to the saint an undressing from his sins and infirmities. Death to the wicked is the King of terrors. Death to the saint is the end of terrors, the commencement of glory.”

So, for my brother, I rejoice. And I rejoice, too, at the promise in Christ that I will one day join him. What grace! And what grace it is to be able to see in a heavenly perspective the death of those who “fall asleep in Jesus” to soon be “raised imperishable...in glory...in power” (1 Thessalonians 4:14; 1 Corinthians 15).

I think of Jake every day. I am reminded of him-- his mannerisms, his laugh, his list of things to tell me on Wednesday nights. His honesty and care were something I happily experienced much of, and it was one of the first things I missed about him after he went Home. I miss him. I couldn’t have asked for a better brother-in-law.

He was an answer to so many of my parents' prayers, an answer that went above and beyond their hopes for their oldest daughter. From observation, he was an excellent husband. His leadership and love for my sister shaped my ideas of Biblical marriage in a very beautiful way. His pursuit of Diana, her joyful submission to him as he submitted himself to God all graciously portrayed the Gospel. As a fellow believer and as a sister, I appreciated it more than I knew.

My parents eagerly adopted him into our family, treating him as their own son. I quickly adopted the idea of him as my brother. For five years, I watched Jake become a part of my family, and for the past year I’ve seen his death affect each of us in a different, but equally beautiful way. Both periods of time were designed by God to accomplish His good and kind-- even when painful-- purposes, which are common to all “who love Him” (Romans 8:28). I've come to see that God has a wide range of comforts that He lavishly gives as we come to rest in Him.

There are expectations placed on us as we grieve. It can be difficult to separate what people say we should be feeling or doing from how we really are. It can make it even more difficult to, by grace, “not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” and remain daily in the Word, speaking Its truth to my heart and “taking captive each thought to make it obedient to Him” (Philippians 4:13; 2 Corinthians 10:5). To allow God to take care of what my feelings accomplish.

Shortly after his death, I wrote these words:

“I pray that we all would rejoice in the will of God, praise the Name of God, and trust in the perfect character of God. His plans have been firmly established since the beginning of time and there is nothing that can happen apart from Him. And He is GOOD all the time; all the time, He is good!...There hasn't been an hour gone by that I haven't thought of him, yearned with great pain to talk to him again. I hurt. A pain so deep and severe that I've never known before. Please, God, sustain me! Where is my hope in this grieving? Am I grieving as the world does? Were my love true and real, for God and for Jacob, wouldn't I be rejoicing for his current and now eternal state? May I never forget Your goodness and worth! There is much pain in the night, but joy comes in the Lord! So as my tears continue to flow, may I never forget the blood that flowed out of much deeper pain, but equal sovereignty-- this blood that redeemed my life, that bought Jake an innocent verdict and a warm welcome as He stood before our Creator and Judge. 

What a comfort to know that the Lord has as much wisdom and care in the plans for each part of our lives as He did in planning His eternal redemption through His Son! May I continue to grow in the values and characteristics Jake complimented (or corrected) in me as he applied Your Word to the world around him. May Your Word be my guide, the lens I see through. For there is nothing else of worth and no higher calling than to be called and made a child of the Most High God. May these tears lead only to Your Throne and to Your feet in service. May I not neglect the pain of others in the anguish of my heart. And though he is currently the most commonly occurring thought and the most desired friend, may he not become to me more precious than You. Please keep me from earthly thoughts, from such lowly expectations and imaginings of Your Kingdom. Though You crush me, yet will I praise You (Job 13:15). Praise the sovereign, wise, matchless, worthy, loving Father, Son, and Holy Spirit! Maranatha (Lord, come quickly)!”

Now, a year later, I read these words and I feel that pain, but I feel also the sweetness so intricately intertwined within it.

I can look back and see the purposes of the Lord in Jake’s death. Not all, but some-- as many as He's allowed me to see. I sense the presence of the Lord hovering over this past year, intimately tending to each hurt and question of my heart. I saw Him do the same for so many others.

God often seemed quiet, even distant at times But through that I came to know even more assuredly that His promises are not based upon my thoughts or circumstances, but on His unchanging, always faithful and true nature; that His words and commands, as written in His Word, are “holy and righteous and good” (Romans 7:12); that every pain and every joy in His will are “good, pleasing, and perfect” because, though it may be difficult at times to see, “in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 12:2; Romans 8:28).

Truly He works for our good and joy as He seeks His own glory! His exaltation is our highest joy. And God is so greatly exalted when the saints rejoice in suffering. It is this walking “by faith and not by sight," this heavenly mindset that says “this world is not my home” and “this earth has nothing I desire besides You” that lifts our eyes-- and the eyes of the world watching us-- up to the Lord, Who reigns sovereign, His worth steady and high above our circumstances (2 Corinthians 5:7; Hebrews 13:14, NLT; Psalm 73:25).

As we made our way to Gainesville to meet my sister and his family, the Lord brought me to Psalm 97-103, particularly the words “Rejoice in the Lord, O you righteous, and give thanks to His holy Name... know that the Lord, He is God! It is He Who made us, and we are His." And this is great cause to rejoice in Him!

We are His; we belong to Him. He commands our steps, our first and final breaths. And when one of those whom He has claimed as His own is taken to His side, we cannot think we have been robbed, that perhaps that particular saint was ours first and the Lord’s second. In fact, it is the very opposite which causes us to see death in a clearer, brighter lens: We belong first to the Lord, and whatever He does, He does because “as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are [His] ways higher than our ways and [His] thoughts than our thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9), because He is so much wiser and more wonderful than we are, and because His plans are filled to the brim with His grace and kindness and goodness.

So we must breathe in and out the words of 1 Samuel 3:18: “He is the Lord, let Him do what is good in His eyes,” His loving, perfect, all-seeing eyes.

Doing All This in Your Name

Yesterday one of the girls on the cheerleading team I coach closed her prayer with, "...doing all this in Your Name." As I thought back over the past hour, I was ashamed and terrified for us. Disrespecting, shouting, gossiping, anger, frustration, impatience, pride... all in His Name?

We hear it all the time-- doing all things for the glory of God, doing things in His Name-- but for some reason it really struck me yesterday.

All things.

As a follower of Christ, I am also an "ambassador for Christ" (2 Corinthians 5:20). In all that I do, I am a witness for or against Him. I draw people to or away from Him.

My actions are supposed to be a representation of Who God is, "as though God were making His appeal through us." The lives of those who have "been brought near" are to be the testimony of a God Who is Creator and Sustainer and Redeemer and Sanctifier (Ephesians 2:12-13).

Instead, so many times, our actions and words and thoughts tell a different story, and we excuse  it with our humanity and other people's actions. But God did not choose us, Jesus did not die for us, and the Holy Spirit did not regenerate and seal us, just so we could continue to live according to our flesh; we were doing a perfectly good job of that without the intervention of His atoning blood and sacrifice. We were not made new so we could continue to "conform to the pattern of this world", but to be like Christ (Romans 12:2)!

All things for His Name.

Everything we do is taken into account by the world, shaping their thoughts of God. Are we really living for the glory of the Creator, Sustainer, Redeemer, Sanctifier God or are we living for our false gods? gods that don't save-- delusions that "turn [His] glory into shame" because we attach His Name to lives that bow to much different ideals (Psalm 4:2)?

If we instead "walk by the Spirit, [we] will not gratify the desires of the flesh" (Galatians 5:16). Even further, "clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh" (Romans 13:14).

So often we live for ourselves, selfishly, pridefully blaming others for our sin. "For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?" (1 Corinthians 3:3). Do we really suppose that any person will be held more accountable for our actions than we are for our reactions? We must learn, "in whatever situation [we are], to be content"  and to "outdo one another in showing honor" (Philippians 4:11, Romans 12:10). To "make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification" (Romans 14:19).

All things for His glory, because He's the only One worthy of glory. He's the only One that has glory. And He has enough glory to fill the entire world as the waters cover the seas (Habakkuk 2:14, Isaiah 6:3, 40:5)!

God help me to praise Yoy and serve You with all I am, because all I am has been redeemed by and for You. Your Name be praised!

"Amen! Praise and glory and wisdom and thanks and honor and power and strength be to our God for ever and ever. Amen!" Revelation 7:12.