Where is God when You Know Everything is Going to Change?

 July 17 was the closest I've ever (knowingly) been to death.

As someone raised in the church, I've thought a lot about the mortality of my body. I never shied away from the idea of death, and in a sense-- sometimes healthy, sometimes not-- I even found the idea a comfort. The removal of pain and suffering and uncertainty and hormones and sickness and worrying about food and social anxiety. Knowing my soul will one day be free of the weight of surviving feels like a relief. 

And if this was it, I was ready.

My life didn't flash before my eyes. I didn't think about my regrets or my choices or my dreams I wouldn't get to fulfil. I just thought about my body.

At this moment of urgent need, I felt thankful. 

Thankful that my uterus tried and my heart beat and my lungs breathed and my kidneys and liver and stomach and brain all knew what to do from the beginning. Now, sitting in the hospital, bleeding internally, I knew my body again kept me alive.

That night, I could have dismissed my pain. I'd already wasted money at the hospital a couple days before where my pain was written off because it was quiet. Because it was calm. Because I didn't advocate firmly enough.

Because I let them ignore the results staring out at them from the screen.

There's a weight to things when you know they are true. That night, I knew if I went to sleep off the pain and silence the fear, I wouldn't wake up the next morning. And for that knowing, I was proud of my body. 

When you know everything is going to change, life looks different. Thinking feels different. Better or worse, it doesn't matter, but there's an awareness that it will never be this moment again. You'll never be this version of you again. 

Grief tugs at our anchor to reality, to our foundation. 

We are alive every day. As obvious as that sounds, how often do we wake up, complete our routine, and go back to sleep without letting ourselves feel or think, because it's too scary or overwhelming? We numb ourselves with normalcy and to-do lists and "this really cool new thing I'm trying."

The waves rise, and we feel that anchor tug against us. We can no longer drift idly on the tides, careful only not to disturb the surface. Whether the thing we lose is given up or taken, if it's sudden or slow, when we grieve, that pretense is disturbed. Now we're fighting every second against the waves just to be. 

A lot of people stay here the rest of their lives. Fighting. Always fighting. Fighting to make it calm, fighting to put it back to normal, fighting to ignore it by focusing on other things. Fighting against the real problem.

I've found myself here the last few months. Fighting to go back to normal, to focus on other things.

But the grief isn't mine alone. 

It's my husband's. It's everyone's who has lost a child, who has lost a loved one, who has lost a dream or a job or a friendship or an opportunity or a freedom or an ability or a love that never was. 

We're all anchored. 

The question is, to what?

Anchored to reality, sure. But what truth holds you fast? What keeps you from drifting off or capsizing or being broken up by the waves?

What truth steadies you in the uncertainty and the fear and the pain and the loneliness and the darkness and the anxiety? Is there a truth tethering you to hope and peace and confidence?

I will tell you mine.

In that room, while I sat alone in the hospital bed, knowing my ruptured fallopian tube was still pumping blood into my stomach while the OR techs "took their time," knowing my husband was waiting without update in the other room, knowing what this surgery meant, knowing that tomorrow isn't promised, that 20 minutes from now isn't promised... the truth that anchored me is the same that has carried me through every storm, that transcends this world, anchored in He Who created it. 

The stories about God walking Israel through the Red Sea, about Jesus calming the storm, about the Holy Spirit appearing as a flame in new believers... maybe they feel far away from you. Maybe it all sounds metaphorical. Maybe some of it is.

But I can tell you that His comfort, His peace, His wisdom, His love, they are ever-present. 

I didn't feel scared that day. Not of losing my grasp on this life. Because I know this isn't the best there is. This world and everything you can do here can be amazing. God didn't create a world of nothing, but of life and life abundant. 

Still, it isn't the best there is.

I wanted to stay, and I was ready to go. I knew there was so much more ahead. So much more above. So much more to this moment than random chance. 

And so my soul was at peace.

June 27, 2015.

Four years and one week ago, my brother-in-law and I were standing around talking about my going to Israel for six weeks-- that he and my sister would come over to have breakfast the day I left, cutting short his planned camping trip the night before. A week later, I experienced grief for the first time. Before Jake's death, I hadn’t been close to anyone who'd passed away, only knowing that heartache vicariously through others. But he was my brother. I miss his friendship every day.

The months preceding his death, God was teaching me the phrase, “Lord willing.” Like, “Lord willing, we'll have lunch Thursday,” or “If the Lord wills it, I’ll text you when I get home.” And as I grew into the habit of prefacing my future plans with His sovereignty, He taught me that sometimes He isn’t willing. Sometimes, our plans differ from His and we’re faced with this seemingly unbeatable thing and we have no idea what to do, but we have to keep our eyes on Him (2 Chronicles 20:12).

Two weeks before he died, my sister and I were discussing a song on the radio about God’s mercy in teaching and blessing us through painful circumstances. We both admitted to feeling like we’d never really suffered, like our faith hadn’t been truly tested, shaken (Hebrews 12:28). That night I prayed that He would bring tests along that would cause my truest nature to be made known. Apparently of that the Lord was willing.

I hope to show you the preparation that God has given me for "various trials" (1 Peter 1:6) so often in the past, a cycle He repeated in this circumstance. Not until recently did I see this cycle so clearly: I pray for something, He prepares me for His answer, He provides-- both the trial and the ability to endure. 

This time as preparation, we were given two things. The first was extra time with my brother-in-law. I am inexpressibly thankful for this. He was in medical school and therefore very busy. I typically only saw him once a week for a half hour before church in which we’d discuss a thousand things in rapid succession. But, the month leading up to his death was his school break. My sister got to travel a bit with him. The Lord worked it out for he and I to ride to a church 45 minutes away together, despite all my other attempted plans. I’ll forever cherish those times and those final conversations we got to have. Truly the Lord gives good gifts to His children (Matthew 7:11).

Second, He prepared us with the study of 1 Peter 1. The Bible study he and I were going to that was 45 minutes away was one we, my sister included, attended regularly. That month, the teaching was about 1 Peter, the “if necessary,” of being “grieved by various trials.” A few weeks after his death, my parents both sent me that same chapter, having separately been led to it when searching for comfort, not knowing the Lord had been using it already to comfort me and my sister. He united us in awe of Him, in trust and hope. He intertwined His answers, knitting our hearts together (Colossians 2:2) that we might lean on one another, "bearing each other's burdens" (Galatians 6:2). 

These were both combined with the myriad of past lessons in patience and trust, hope in disappointment, and the effects of speech on attitude and outlook. Most importantly, the lessons about His past actions and the proof of His nature by years of daily, personal study of His Word.

However, I feel this grief manifesting itself even today in many of my decisions. Subconsciously, I’m expecting all my plans to fall through and everything to change, until the very moment that it comes to fruition. Or I’ll turn my back on potential relationships because of a fear of giving myself to someone and losing them. Or I’m unable to plan anything that takes place in more than a few months, because I am hesitant to think I have that long. Or...etc.

Still, I often find that I am jealous for those times closely succeeding his death. Despite the ache and the sorrow, He kept me constant, He held me steady, and He graciously reminded me of Himself, of His power and His love and His kindness and His wisdom. Who He is shone so brightly to me in that time. I felt everything deeply, yet carried it lightly, constantly offering it again to God.

My faith was shaken but the Rock was steady. He anchored me with hope and joy.

I know that life can be overwhelming and that we face different things and feel different things in response to them. I do not pretend to be an expert by any means. But I know what the Lord has done for me (Psalm 66:8-16) and how He has taught me to react; I hope that you might be strengthened and encouraged to press on.

I had to remind myself over and over again-- through doubt or tears or numbness or anger or self-pity-- that my lot is secure; my portion steadfast (Psalm 16:5, etc.). My inheritance is “undefiled and unfading, kept in heaven for” me, as I, “by God’s power,” am “being guarded through faith” (1 Peter 1). My reward is immovable, for He has won it; indeed He has become it. He is the victory I need.

[Side note: Christianity isn't an undercover ploy of greed and pride that allows people to "believe" only enough to get them to Heaven when they die. Many church-goers function this way. Christianity is the teaching that, through His own suffering, Jesus has joined us in our suffering, giving it a hope and a purpose-- a God Who can both sympathize with human weakness and walk in divine power over sin and death. Eternal life is the continuation and deepening of fellowship with God, not some promise for gratification of the fleshly desires for admiration and selfish gain we pretended not to have while we served "others" on earth. He renews us in life by the power of the Spirit; He remakes us completely in death by the unveiled sight of His Son (2 Corinthians 3:18, 1 John 3:2).] 

There is always something about which to be grateful. He is always working. Over all things He is sovereign. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). This isn't just a saying for a greeting card, this is a real, tested truth. Stop fearing your pain or your uncertainty; fear God. No suffering will meet you that has not been approved and reworked by a God of infinite understanding and kindness to make you better, to make you more like Jesus, "a man of sorrows, familiar with suffering" (Isaiah 53).

Remind yourself of this truth, even if it’s a moment by moment forgetting and recitation. Train yourself to perceive all things through the filter of the Word of God, the Truth of Jesus, and the Conviction of the Holy Spirit. You have to be willing and disciplined in each memory or new situation to speak it again.

To not get discouraged when you feel you’ve landed in the same place as you were before.

To not be a "hindrance" to yourself by "not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man" (Matthew 16:23).

To not doubt that God has your best interest in mind.

To not allow yourself to feel entitled to bitterness or despair.

There is always hope, there is always forgiveness, you just have to look up (John 3:14). 

So if you find yourself at this moment in the grasp of great pain, do not be dismayed; it is likely the Lord has been working often to prepare you. Look back, take inventory of the training in various aspects of Godliness He has provided you with, and plunge ahead with renewed courage and thanksgiving. He has not left you alone, He will not leave you vulnerable. Fix your eyes, for He is leading you in this battle as the Head of the charge. The Death Conqueror is your King, your Defender, your Guide. What have you to fear but forgetting to look to that King and trust His orders? 

Find reinforced cover by seeking out Christian brothers and sisters to fight alongside you, listening to the comfort of those before you, looking for those in need of comfort behind you (2 Corinthians 1:3-7). Kneel behind that common shield of faith and skillfully wield it as protection from the efforts of the enemy. Trust the sword of the Word of Truth to find its targets. Cling to both with the strength found in the arms of the Creator God; "entrust your soul to" Him for He is faithful, and "do not grow weary of doing good" (Galatians 6:9). 

Keep hope in the Risen Lamb, Who from His doomed journey of certain death, returned to His throne in the light of eternal power, inexhaustible purity, and conquering grace.

What about you?

Have you lost someone close to you? What do remember most from that time of grief? What helpsyou to cope?

"Judge not, lest ye be judged."

I admit, at times I struggle to grasp a loving God allowing seemingly unloving things. But I know that cannot make me think: how cruel, how unfair, how could He? For this same concept was answered in Romans 9 thousands of years ago. "Who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its Molder, 'Why have You made me like this?'" And I know that isn't much comfort to most because it doesn't offer any explanation except that God is in control and He does what is best, even if we don't understand how. But God doesn't need us to make excuses for Him. 

Telling the world the equivalents of "He didn't mean it!" and "He didn't do it!" does not bring them closer to God. It attempts to remove God's sovereignty in order to prove His love. Why can both not exist, the Judge and the Sacrifice? True, they seem contradictory, but would you remove the mystery of the complex nature of God in order to convince people to become Christians?

And if you do, have you really convinced them to be Christians at all? Would it not rather be a continuation of man-centered thoughts, bowing them at the feet of an idol we've constructed as we're blown about by every wave and wind of teaching (Ephesians 4:14).

"But who would ever turn to a God that allows tragedy when He has the power to stop it?" But the Holy Spirit is promised. It is He Who renews our minds, so that we see clearly that pain is not a wrongdoing of God against poor, pitied man. Rather, as our Creator, He has the responsibility to reshape us, His malfunctioning creation, into working condition, and that is not without pain.

It is a mercy that He has allowed us to continue after our first glitch, our first sin, so we might turn to Him for repair. But instead of awe at the grace of it, we sit in our indignation, pouting and exclaiming that we were "born this way" and everyone should "love our flaws" (Read: expecting people to think you're wonderful when you act selfish and prideful. No. Hold yourself to the same standards you hold others to.).

The scary thing is, many apply this same principle to God. "If [He] doesn't accept me at my worst, then [He] doesn't deserve me at my best." And we ever-so-culturally-relevant Christians repackage that into church-acceptable vernacular, but we're spewing the same garbage. We say things like: Jesus ate with sinners and God is love and "judge not lest ye be judged." All true. But we leave out the context, the consequences of that love.

Most who use this as their message just want their audience to think, "Wow, how open-minded this lone diamond of a Christian is." We fight for "God's" reputation in an effort to bolster ours, and in so doing, we damage His and cover up truth.

By claiming God didn't mean all that "wrath stuff" in the Old Testament, or saying He doesn't have the final say over everything that happens, we side with unbelievers against the actions and goodness of God. We believe that those things are unfair, unjust.

We discredit Him, trying to release Him from the blame we place on His actions. "Sure God commanded Israel to kill people, but... it's different now. Look at Jesus instead!" But we can't properly look at Jesus until we linger in the actions of God in the Old Testament.

Why did He seem to change? What happened between Malachi and Matthew? Did God take a cosmic nap and get less grumpy?

We are told in the Bible that God doesn't change. His nature is constant; His actions are consistent with that nature. And we certainly didn't change. Mankind didn't suddenly become more lovable.

What changed is the focus of God's wrath.

When Jesus came to earth, He lived a perfect life. He was born into human nature yet held fast to holiness and purity, to His Father. And in the end, He became the object of God's wrath.

Did God not mean to give His perfect Son over to torture, rejection, abandonment, crucifixion, and then, eventually (finally) death? Did God have control over this terrible, wonderful thing?

We wouldn't dare say differently. There are too many verses where Jesus Himself declares it to be true.

Maybe we have an easier time believing it because it benefits us. 

God is love, Jesus did eat with sinners, and He even did say "judge not lest ye be judged." But we cannot ignore what followed.

First, Jesus ate with "sinners" not because they were sinners, but because they recognized their sin, the consequences of that sin, and the spectacular relief of Jesus saying, "Your sins are forgiven." He met with sinners, but He didn't let them leave as sinners. With a, "Go and sin no more," He commanded them to change their entire manner of life, means of income, living situations. He called them to do radically difficult, painful, costly things in His Name, motivating and empowering them with His mercy and kindness and later gifting them with the Holy Spirit as Guide.

Let's not forget Jesus ate with Pharisees, too, and He spent most of that time pronouncing really harsh judgments against them for their pride and greed and false worship.

In summation: Jesus didn't eat with sinners because He approved of their sin but because they recognized Christ as the remedy for it. 

Second, there's more to a verse than meets the public's eye. After Jesus tells them, "Judge not," He tells a parable about first removing the log that is in your eye. People like this quote, too, and leave off the last bit of that sentence, in which you then do remove the "speck that is in your brother's eye." Why is this left out? Because it's "offensive". But... how? Honestly? How is someone removing sawdust from your eye harmful, rude? Is it not helpful? And what sweet relief when it is gone!

Many Christians have been led to believe that you show love by withholding judgement. Here Jesus tells us to hold up our judgements to ourselves first, then to others. And it's not that I'm not allowed to hold someone accountable for lying because I have also lied in my lifetime. I can hold them accountable while allowing them to hold me accountable. 

Withholding judgement doesn't actually do any good, it just means you both walk around with crap in your eyes, and no one is willing to do anything about it because it will hurt for a few seconds. Don't confuse that temporary pain with unkindness or a lack of love.

1 Corinthians 5 does put a condition on this judgement. Paul says, "What have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. 'Purge the evil person from among you.'" (P.S. When he says "purge," he is not calling for their murder, but their removal from the local church with hope for their return. As in, do not call them Christians while they intentionally reject the teachings of Christ, just as most practitioners of Islam reject "Radical" Islam as true Islam.)

So, it is our job, as Christians, to hold other Christians accountable. It is to be with the purpose of repentance and reconciliation, in the event of which we are then to "affirm our love for [them] so that [they] will not be overwhelmed with excessive sorrow" (2 Corinthians 2:7).

It is also our job to speak truth to those who are outside the church. To "judge" motivated by compassion, fear for the state of their souls because what God says is true. His Kingdom is real. It is eternal. His judgement is right, good, and just.

Every speech we read in Acts by one of the disciples leads in with the reality of the human condition. It isn't until the audience-- "cut to the heart"-- asks "What can we do?" (Acts 2) that they tell them of the forgiveness and freedom found by repenting and following Christ.

Maybe these Judge-Not Christians think they are saying, "You're wrong, but I'm not going to turn my back on you. I am going to tell you of the hope that is found in Christ."

I pray that's what they are saying.

But I have seen too many church leaders speak only of love, to the point of becoming not only tolerant of sin in the church, but, in the air of culture, applauding it. Like "Wow, we're so real," and then they're sitting around admiring everyone's willingness to share their sin. Then, if not careful, making light of their sin. Then doing nothing to change it, finding excuse and comfort in solidarity. This is why Galatians 6:1 is written.

Many look around at their churches and think, "Wow, so many fake Christians," not realizing they are the ones who make it that way-- disciples not of Jesus but of an easier imitation of the call of Christ, one that requires little more than Sunday attendance and a few hand-raising renditions of shallow songs. We make them feel better about themselves by telling them how loved they are, how blessed they are, how God answers prayer.

But what of the topics that make us squirm a little and avert our eyes so no one catches us looking guilty? Or talking about the commands of God, the sacrifices of worldly pleasure and attitude and worries, that He asks of us?

It is dangerous when we don't care enough about our congregation to notice, let alone to say, "Hey, I know you're struggling. I want to see you do the right thing. I want to help you, because I know it's difficult." If we don't preach the life of a true follower of Christ, why subject themselves to a charade of piety every Sunday?

This is why so many people stop going to church, why so many think Christianity is a hypocritical farce.  Not because we don't "love" enough, but because we aren't loving correctly. When we water the Gospel down, we offer the same "love" found in the world, but with extra stipulations and an air of self-righteousness. It's not sustainable. And it isn't truth. God's love is unconditional, and it is also life-changing. It demands everything from us, and it is worth it all.

Love people with the love of God, not with the love of the world. Only one will last. 

It comes down to this:

If someone is outside the church and makes no claim to follow Christ, it is your responsibility to speak truth in love with gentleness and respect and to inform him of the Gospel of the finished work of Christ. But we can't get angry at someone or mock them or cut someone off for not upholding the commands of a God they either don't believe in or couldn't care less about. Do we really think that we would choose to do any differently? If so, we are the ones who need a reminder of the Gospel, that we were once "dead in our trespasses and sins" (Ephesians 2:1) until Jesus literally had to die and come back to life in order for us to have the ability to follow Christ. We do not have the power to obey on our own, only through the Holy Spirit. Unbelievers do not have the power nor the motivation to obey a God they do not love.

However, if someone is sitting in the pew next to you, week after week, claiming to be a Christian, it is your responsibility to speak truth in love with gentleness and respect, to hold them accountable to the Word of God, to point them to the Gospel of the finished work of Christ, to "forgive and comfort them, so that they will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow." Where opinion differs or understanding wavers, defer to the Bible, the truth that has been passed down for thousands of years without shifting its message for shifty human perception. It is your duty-- as a fellow Christian, to the Church, and to God Himself-- to hold that believer accountable to the knowledge and commands of God.

Thoughts on Feminism as a Christian

There is a cultural move toward "political correctness" that many deem overly sensitive and others deem necessary. Both want the other to change their mind, yet both have already decided to disagree, parroting "winning" arguments in loud, obstinate voices without taking a moment to listen to the other.

I admit, in the past I've had a distaste for the term "feminism," solely based on the idea of a flipped tyranny, angrily sought by perpetuating stereotypes about men for perpetuating stereotypes about women. Now I've given it more thought and read into the core of the movements.

There have been different waves of feminism, each with unique arguments and goals. I am oversimplifying and in no way do I encompass or exhaust the full ideologies of each.

First wave: All American women are American citizens and should have full realization of the rights promised to American citizens. This recognition as a human being with inherent rights before the law should extend globally, and each government is responsible for granting and protecting fair rights and protections for both sexes.

Second wave: All women should be allowed to pursue a career (or to not), and if she attains the same job, with the same education, same level of experience, and she performs it with the same proficiency as a man, she should be paid accordingly. If she does it better, she should be paid accordingly. Though many blame the "Well, men are more likely to ask for a raise," or "They have families to take care of," it is undeniable that men are considered more inherently capable, and women are forced to prove themselves.

Third wave: Feminism can look like many things, and it should be a more individualized movement. Violence against women needs to end, and all have the right to speak and to be listened to. People in power should not be protected against the consequences of their actions resulting in fear on the part of the victim to speak up.

I support being proud of who we are, confident in our skills, caring for ourselves, but "self-actualization" is often hatefulness dressed up as freedom. "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" is a toxic, me-first attitude that does not promote any personal responsibility or reflection. It is reactionary, it is angry, it is destructive, and it is not done in love-- for ourselves or others. This is not love for ourselves, though it proports to be. It does not give people the opportunity to grow and yet it is totally unaware of it's own need for growth or it's own affect on others. People are allowed to be offended and hurt by your actions. Thinking someone is toxic for confronting you while you're just trying to live your truth is the toxic behavior. And it is contagious, it is the Fruit that Satan holds out to us, promising wisdom and fulfillment, promising that we will be like gods.

I don't believe the road to equality is traveled more quickly by blaming those ahead of you for being ahead of you. Work hard, and prove yourself able. Be reasonable, and prove yourself reliable. Be humble, and prove yourself honorable. That won't always be enough, because of your gender, your skin color, your temperament. But let it be a comfort that you are doing your best, and your best is beautiful.

When you find someone that doesn't comply or that holds to discriminatory ideas, I believe more will reconsider when shown kindness than obstinance. Despite their contemptible behavior, you acknowledge that they are human beings. Disrespect them and you undermine your own argument; respect them and you prove you believe it. If you see a woman being disparaged, stand with her. If you see a man being disparaged, stand with him. Not everyone needs a warrior, some people just need a friend.

Respond with grace while others are at their worst, celebrate with them at their best. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Just as you expect others to accept the excuses for your actions that hurt them, practice empathy in seeing it from their perspective before you respond. Then forgive them, fully and forever; holding grudges, promoting hate is not a step forward. Justice is a step forward, honesty, transparency, open communication makes steps forward.

The feminism I support is that which promotes true equality, that isn't fighting for the usurpation of the oppressor's throne, but rather the dissolution of the oppression entirely-- fighting for equal representation and provision for any and all to whom it has previously been granted or denied.

"For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel." (James 3:13-4:12)

"To have [unsettled disputes] at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded? But you yourselves wrong and defraud-- even your own brothers!" (1 Corinthians 6:7)

In the Name of God our Creator, Christ our Example, and the Holy Spirit our Guide, find and reflect the "love that covers a multitude of wrongs" and "looks not only to [your] own interests, but also to the interests of others," the love that "lays down [its] life for [their] friends" and "outdoes one another in showing honor." The love that "does not grow weary of doing good" but "makes every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification."

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

"Christianity isn't a religion, it's a relationship"? Part Two.

In Part One, I talked about the confusion between people who grew up in church and those who did not when hearing "Christian-ese," those catchy phrases churches like to use. Specifically, "Christianity isn't a religion, it's a relationship."

Before we can use this phrase with any efficacy, I think it's important to define the term "religion."

Like I said, when churches put this on their signs or their twitter bios or their what-have-you's, it probably doesn't convey the message they want it to (at least not to people that aren't Christians, which I generally assume to be their intended audience). Christians typically use this phrase as a paraphrase of "I desire mercy and not sacrifice." Like, "I love God, I don't just do a bunch of traditions in a designated building once a week." Which is good; please don't. 

But the truth is-- although Christ is the basis and the greater meaning behind all the former laws and prophecies-- Christianity is a set of teachings and it does have rituals and actions specific to it. Christianity isn't simply knowing Christ, it is the way in which we are told to follow Him in response to getting to know Him better. And that is the definition of "religion."

And that's why I think it's incorrect to say that Christianity is only relationship and no religion.

Well, maybe not incorrect, but incomplete.

It isn't legalistic to love the Law of the Lord. It isn't wrong for us to think about how to put the Word into action in our lives, even if it's a disciplined reaction and you aren't that excited about it at the time. That is where I get a little afraid of this phrase's implications.

As a response to the accusations of legalism from the world, who say we don't love them because, we tell them they will have to change after we tell them they can come as they are. We can't love God and keep on doing what He hates with reckless abandon.

We shouldn't try to sound like we are these free-loving, only-grace-no-judgement people who "just love Jesus," because that's misleading to people who currently define love as "someone who benefits me and thinks I'm awesome and doesn't try to change me." Do you see the difference? Do you see the problem? 

God made up the laws and rituals of obedience and repentance through sacrifice (religion). He doesn't hate them. I mean, heck, He was a sacrifice. These laws were given as a map to living a life that is pleasing to Him. But we're really timid to say that, to say that there are rules to follow. When Jesus says, "Go and sin no more," we see that there is more to following Christ than just thinking He is really great and believing He has the power to make us feel better.

I've been reading through the Gospels these past few weeks and what keeps catching my mind is the difference between being amazed by Jesus and being changed by Him. Since my earliest readings of the Bible, I've been confused about why Jesus told people not to tell everyone about the miracle He'd just done. My interpretations have ranged from an appearance of humility to "but ugh why??" scribbled in the margins.

My most recent thought is that He was trying to prevent people from coming to see Him for a show rather than for teaching. I say this because when we see those that have been healed still tell people (understandably), literally the entire town and a few surrounding ones are soon crowded around Jesus waiting to be healed or to see someone else healed.

They wanted a spectacle. They weren't looking to understand of Who He was/is. They'd follow Him around as long as He was looking powerful and beneficial, but miracles are not all He came to do. And I think that is why He told people not to tell anyone-- so that His teaching might be the central focus with miracles a whispered side note in confirmation of His authority.

And I think that is the danger of saying that Christianity is relationship only. We're like "Hey, just let me love Jesus, I don't need all that other stuff." But it super doesn't work that way.

Because, Christianity isn't only a religion or only a relationship. It is both. Christianity is a religion because it is the means by which we follow a personal God, and it's a relationship because He is an autonomous Being with His Own thoughts and feelings resulting in the specified way He desires to be followed (as He details throughout the Bible).

He is the Relationship (Jesus the connection) and the relationship is the religion, because it is done according to His commands. That's how we relate to Him, how we worship Him. Relationship and religion can't be separated when it comes to Christianity. The Person and the ways in which the Person wants to be related to are One.

We don't decide the terms of His covenant, He does. We don't get to decide what we do or don't want to believe about Jesus's teachings. It's all or nothing. 

Christianity is a religion, it just isn't an impersonal one.

"Christianity isn't a religion, it's a relationship"? Part One.

"Christianity isn't a religion, it's a relationship."

A lot of people fault the church for having their own vernacular that doesn't cater to those who are outside it. A lot of church members hear that complaint but don't know how to remedy it. In fact, we often try to redefine the world's conception of our terms without really asking what their original conception is.

I personally think this is one of those cases.

We want people to know that God is a personal God and that there is more to following Him than rules, so we try to pick on the word "religion" right along with them. But I feel like we end up looking like those people that try to jump in on other people's inside jokes, making everyone feel really uncomfortable.

Of course, not everyone has the same connotations. It depends a lot on who they've come in contact with and the people they admire or dislike.

But most people don't define religion the same way the church does. When people who haven't grown up in church say they hate religion, it typically isn't them saying they hate ritualistic actions that aren't backed up by a true spirit of reverence and love for God.

That's the "Christian-ese" definition.

And we should hate heartless rituals because God hates them, too (Isaiah 1:12-15, etc). We should strive to have true motivation in everything that we do, and that comes through personal growth and pursuit of understanding through the Word and prayer. And that is a relationship. 

But I think there's something we all need to accept:

Christianity is also a religion.

You can't have Jesus without His decrees. We can't separate the teachings of the Person from the Person teaching. And that's what we're doing. Or at least what it sounds like we're doing.

Hey, maybe that gives us an opportunity to get into a discussion with the unbeliever who is really confused about the Christian that says they hate religion. That's good, I hope that happens. But it's hard to see the benefit of the saying being plastered on billboards or twitter feeds with no further discussion.

Connotation is important. And their connotation is probably different than ours and maybe it's counterproductive sometimes.

(It's so funny, though, the satisfaction churchgoers seem to get out of confusing the outside world with semantics. Like the "Wait, what?" of an unbeliever echoes internally as a giddy little victory for us. "Look at us, stunning the world with what really goes on inside these doors. Silly misconceptions. I bet you wanna be a Christian now, right?")

It is good for the Church to define our terms when interacting with the world. What do we really mean when we say   insert churchy jargon here  ? I think it's equally important for us to understand what they really mean when they give their opinions on   insert anything here  . We can get so offended sometimes that we don't even realize the disagreement is mainly between what we hear them saying and what they actually mean to say, and vice versa. 

Not that our worldviews don't fundamentally disagree; I'm really just saying we can debate all day about how, for example, faith is either stupid or life-giving, and get nowhere because their definition of faith is "believing without evidence" and ours is "trust based on fulfilled prophecy, recorded eyewitness testimony, historical evidence of dependability, persistence of followers, and personal experience." So, from the outset, we're doomed to disagree.

Define your terms.

So, let's define this particular term: religion... in Part Two.

Remembering Christ After Choosing Sin

“Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers” (Luke 22:31-32).

One verse that strikes me every time I think of it is Luke 22:61. Jesus stands before His accusers when Peter, lost in the crowd, denies being His close friend and follower. Immediately, Jesus "turned and looked at Peter." Heartbreak.

We're given no description of the expression on Jesus's face, but that look reminds Paul of what Jesus told him only a few verses earlier. It reminds him of his subsequent promise to never leave Jesus, even in the face of opposition or unpopularity. It reminds him of his inability to keep that promise for even one day.

And he runs out, weeping bitterly.

It is in our nature to run from the wrong that we do, from the ones we have wronged, and especially from those that have the authority to give us the consequences. Peter's consequence was a look from Christ reminding him of their conversation.

We make similar claims. We feel in the moment that we will always hold fast to the One we call Lord. Then the moment changes and what was once only a dark improbability has become the inescapable reality. And it's so much more difficult than we thought it'd be. 

We conjecture that no pain will be too great to cause us to doubt His care, that no disappointment will be too complete to cause us to question His wisdom, or that no hardship will last long enough to wear us down to a point of losing hope. But then it's here and a hundred of your emotions are at the surface and yet nonexistent at the same time. All your previous thoughts seem so foolish and so prideful and so useless, and like maybe this is it, maybe this is what will finally make you walk away or make Him give up on you. Lost in yourself with a whole crowd of people huddled around you, watching your reactions and trying to measure you up against some arbitrary standard.

You give in to despair or boredom or anger. You give up on the fight for holiness. 

And then He looks at you and you remember everything He's ever said to you, everything He's promised you. And there's pity and there's justice and there's hope and there's peace and there's comfort in the light of His face.

In brokenness, you are strengthened. In repentance, you are renewed. Because of He Who looked at you, Who reminded you that you are not on your own, that He has already prayed for you, that He is still praying for you.

He is with you. He is in you. He prepares the way before you and stands guard behind you. He gives life to the weary and the downcast. 

And His is not an arbitrary standard. When He looks at you in your disobedience, He not only knows your sinfulness completely and still holds on to you; He also knows your choices, having faced them Himself, "tempted in every way," yet every time choosing to do what was pure and righteous and good (Hebrews 4:15).

When He looked at Peter, it was not yet from a position of the conquering warrior but the submissive sacrifice, with immense suffering still looming imminently before Him. He knew Peter's denial. He knew Peter's betrayal. And still He put Himself into the violent hands of those who hated Him. 

Peter didn't just need an Example; He needed a substitute. We all do. When we reject God in order to please ourselves, we need one Who rejected Himself in order to please God. It is only in His power, by His prayers, that we can turn around and do differently and see differently. Jesus didn't put His hope in Peter, that he would decide to turn again after thrice choosing disobedience. Jesus put His hope in God, that He would "cause [Peter] to be born again into a living hope" (1 Peter 1:3). Peter's return was assured by the God from and through Whom salvation comes, for "no purpose of [His] can be thwarted" (Job 42:2). 

Peter saw himself finally as the Lord had seen him all along and he "wept bitterly" because of it. But he didn't give himself over to that feeling forever. Jesus had prayed for him, that his "faith would not fail" and that he would "turn again" to "strengthen the brothers."

It was this prayer on his behalf and the knowledge that Jesus was able to look at him and still love him-- with full knowledge of his past and future failings-- that strengthened his faith and encouraged him to stand and continue.

This truth and those prayers stand firm throughout the ages to meet us here today. Because Jesus did conquer death, "He is able also to save forever those who draw near to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them" (Hebrews 7:25).

There is no power which can take us from His might, no disobedience which can cause Him to reconsider His promise of salvation to us, because "'when we are faithless, He remains faithful' for He cannot deny Himself" (2 Timothy 2:13).

He is just, and He is merciful, and through Christ He is able to be both at once, saving forever those who still mess up despite a great salvation. He has redeemed us. He is making us new.

He will keep us until the day we are taken to His side, where finally "we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him as He is" (1 John 3:2).

When a Christian Falls Away

"...and some of the wise shall stumble, so that they may be refined, purified, and made white..." (Daniel 11:35)

It hurts to hear someone who once followed Christ has traded Him for the pleasures of the world. There are those who go astray who were never true in their repentance at the first, just as John says in 1 John 2:19. But I believe that there are true believers, too, who walk away, spend a good deal of their time saying "yes" to sin (Titus 2:12), and return, never having lost their status as "son" in Christ, but grieving the Holy Spirit all the same.

In fact, as the Prodigal Son gave everything to his momentary pleasure until he had nothing left, it is often this wallowing in sin that causes many to return to God with even greater humility and awe and joy, knowing that when they went astray, He was steady and they were "kept" (Jude 1:1).

I don't believe God revokes justification. I don't believe we keep ourselves saved by our obedience. But where does 1 John fit into this? There is a whole section expounding the fact that "no one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's Seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God."

I think the difference is understood in this: time.

There are those who never truly knew Christ, but spoke as though they did-- and maybe even believed it themselves. In the middle of all the church activities, just like those crowds who welcomed Jesus into Jerusalem shouting one day that He was their King and the next that He should die.

After these have turned to pursue the world, few return, nor do they find any reason to. All they thought they knew of God was only second-hand and disappointing. What they had in church was never any more real (and a lot less visceral) to them than the temporary highs the world has given them since they've abandoned Him and His teaching.

However, for those who do know Christ, I feel like in the back of their minds they still fight with themselves, even just a little, knowing that what they are doing won't give them the lasting fulfillment they want. They get more and more determined to misattribute the depression and fear and shame they feel and seek to override it by committing more shameful acts until one day they find they can't continue. And so they repent because, despite all the anxiety toward returning to Christ and His church, they recognize it as the only complete hope and light to be found in the world.

And that is the difference: they do come back.

They come back to the peace and joy of God found in the study and practice of His commands.

Not back to favor with God or to salvation because that can't be lost. Those who have been called and justified cannot annul the promise of being glorified (Romans 8:30). They have the promise that the work that has been started in them by God will also be brought to completion by God (Philippians 1:6). They have the Holy Spirit as a guarantee of their salvation (Ephesians 1:4), no matter how well they've managed to stifle His conviction.

Our position before God is never based on us and how well we do choosing Christ and abstaining from sin. It is based in Christ. Always and only Christ-- His holy birth, His holy life, His holy death, His holy resurrection, all "according to the Scriptures," (1 Corinthians 15:3-4) and all the basis for the new covenant (Hebrews, especially 10:11-18) through which we stand before God.

As Colossians 3:3 states, we are hidden with Christ in God. What does this mean but that the unity Jesus prayed for in John 17 has been granted-- that just as He and the Father are one, so we also may be one with each other and, all together, with Him.

We cannot be separated. The Father and Christ cannot be separated; they are One eternally. The Father turned His back on His Son on the cross as He became sin for us (1 Corinthians 5:21), but Jesus didn't cease to be the Father's Son. No, that inexorable title and nature is what caused Christ to rise from the dead in victory! In salvation, we, too-- because we are "hidden in" (within; protected, renewed, kept, and insured by) One who will never be cast away-- are ourselves never to be cast away.

Perhaps you will say that because we are hidden in Christ, we will not give in to sin again for any extended amount of time. Lord willing that will be true. But how much time is too much? For surely we all sin, and that sin takes time to commit. Is there a limit? a grace period that expires at a certain mark, after which you lose your salvation? I don't believe there to be such a scale.

Let's go back to Colossians 3, adding in Ephesians 2-4 which begins with Paul telling us that, though still physically on earth, we also are seated with Christ in Heaven. We see from the order of action in both of these passages that it is only from that position that we are able to give up sin. We are not in Christ because we are doing a good job of resisting temptation on our own. We fight to become sinless because we have been made alive in Christ, and it is only by the strength that He provides that we can obey (Philippians 2:13).

Our position doesn't change because Christ never changes, and, if we are in Him, we are protected by His perfection. He has given His perfect record to us forever. He did not wipe our slate clean at the beginning of salvation to then begin a new record of wrongs.

Yes, God knows our current sins. He isn't blind to our actions; He knows when we've gone astray. But He doesn't attach His wrath to that knowledge, "for Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God." The sentence for every sin we have, are, or will commit has already been spent on Christ.

And that is why we shouldn't continue sinning.

Why Hebrews 10 goes on to say that when we sin, we have "trampled underfoot the Son of God, and profaned the blood of the covenant by which [we are] sanctified, and has treated with arrogance the Spirit of grace."

How dare we disgrace that which has given us our freedom. How much greater wrath do we deserve who spitefully disregard He Who destroyed Himself, so we could be made whole in Him? What further hope do we have than Christ?

But His blood and His covenant, even in the face of great contempt, do not become ineffectual. Because God cannot deny Himself (2 Timothy 2:13), He remains faithful to the covenant He has made with His Son and with us, even when we wander.

Christ is our sacrifice, pointing to His once and for all pardon.

Christ is our King and our Judge, reminding us of His Law and writing it on our hearts, disciplining us in whatever way necessary to cause us to feel true remorse over the "sin that so easily entangles" (Hebrews 12:1) that we might return to Him in repentance.

Christ is our High Priest, "praying for us that our faith may not fail" and instructing us to "strengthen our brothers" by pointing out the deceitfulness of sin and the "surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:8).

If we are truly in Christ, eventually we will listen. And when we've returned, we will have been further refined and purified through the fire of disappointment, discipline, and repentance.

An Open Letter to Men who Grew Up in Church

An idea that permeates almost all television and movie genres is weak men. Men who are terrible at communicating, passive in parenting, inconsiderate in friendships, dishonest in relationships, and self-centered in life goals. The husband always the cheaters, physically or mentally. The fathers are always the disinterested, "go ask your mother," parent. Men are always the ones disconnected from and complacent toward their "inferiors". They flirt indiscriminately and run from commitment. The only ones that are any different are "the one" the female lead is looking for, and usually they're so "caring" that their entire world revolves around that one, special lady (ew).

It's really a shame that we expect so little from the males around us, especially within the church.

Christian men are told constantly they should be spiritual leaders, but there are mountains of slander rebelling against them. There are over-generalizations and little compassion from the church, and, in my experience, especially from the women.

At my church, usually around tenth grade, the girls would get together, sit the guys down, and have a "talk" with them. It basically goes that they'd tell the guys they need to step up and lead for 45 minutes, but that's the end of it. There's no real advice. We tell them they aren't doing a good job without stopping to consider that maybe they haven't yet been taught how. It isn't constructive or instructive. 

When a guy volunteers to do something, many people almost sneer at them as if "it's about time we awesome women can sit back for once while a guy does something for a change." Really, there is so much bitterness and angsty speech, as if we're perfect and they're the worst.

But Biblical womanhood is about so much more than sitting back as men lead. It's about helping them to lead. We are to be a support system within the Body, each with assigned roles-- not of value or worth, but of duty.

And men have been given the duty to lead, women the duty to help them do so.

God made man to be strong, to protect, to stand up for those who can't, to serve, to lead, to love.

God made women to be strong, to encourage, to stand up for those who can't, to serve, to nurture, to respect.

Women often feel they have to "teach" the males to be men, as if women perfectly understand what that entails. We feel we have to set an example and then sigh as we sit down and make eye contact with the guy seated beside us. Like if we just tell them they're doing poorly enough times, eventually they'll stop being "lazy" and do what we ask. After all, "is it really that hard?"

But it is. Especially when many of these guys do not have Godly men discipling them, in order to "imitate them as they imitate Christ" (1 Corinthians 11:1). Many of them feel insecure now that none of the things they have done seem to count. Much of the time, their focus is forced onto pleasing us instead of God, because somehow, though He requires us "to be perfect, as our heavenly Father is perfect," we are more difficult to please. Though God has forgiven us of much, we are less willing to extend grace.

They don't need complaints, they need instruction.

They don't need nagging, they need affirmation.

They don't need girls looking with disdain on their efforts as if they aren't enough.

It takes support to be strong, to stand in the face of opposition. It takes vulnerability to live in unity of purpose. It takes other, more spiritually mature men coming alongside them, helping them to develop the ability to learn and obey God's Word and to respond to the Holy Spirit's leading. It takes specificity in instruction and examples in correction. There is no room for, "You shouldn't need me to tell you," or, "You should already know."

We need to point them to Christ instead of at their sin. To remind them of God's Word, that it isn't their strength and actions that make them acceptable to God, that there are consequences but also grace and forgiveness and love when they're wrong. 

We expect so little. We expect men to fail, to act how we are told by the media that "men" (*cross arms, side-glance, eye-roll, sigh*) "always" act.

It is often times true. Men were made to lead, to be a representation of Christ in their leading, as Christ leads the Church. Satan knows that. And so he attacks them. He attacks them with fear, self-doubt, laziness, and lack of empathy. He attacks repeatedly in attempt to wear them down into becoming passive, angry, indecisive, self-loathing.

We shouldn't let our voices endorse the message that Satan is trying to send them. Our words should not be reiterating those of our Lord's enemy.

Our words should be life-giving, refreshing their souls. They should be kind, helpful, and honest, comforting their hearts and strengthening their minds. As "fellow heirs" and "brothers and sisters," we should build them up to become like Christ, Who was confident by faith in the Word and love and plan of God. We should acknowledge small steps in the right direction. 

It is the job of the Holy Spirit to convict. No matter how many times we remind anyone of something in the Bible, it is the Holy Spirit Who gives the words effect. Knowing this, we don't need to say (or imply passive-aggressively...) something incessantly, making our tone and message and body language exponentially more disparaging and making ourselves more and more bitter and prideful in the process. Speak truth to one another, yes, and pray. Pray until you see change and then keep praying. It is in prayer that God keeps your heart tender to those around you-- even those who continue to mess up, no matter how many times you admonish them. 

We must regard one another with humility, gentleness, and respect, remembering that it is the grace of God that we have any revelation of His will at all, and that "it is He Who works in us, both to will and to work according to His good pleasure." Of course there is effort on our part, and it is important to speak honest words that point out error, but, as Matthew 18 commands, our rebuke should be private, and it shouldn't be condemning. It should be done in the willingness to listen, understand, help, and to see them restored.

In Christ, our guilt is gone. Who are we to continue to hold it against them?

In Christ, we are given a new heart. Who are we to think theirs is any less responsive than ours?

In Christ, we are made one. Who are we to speak harshly against members of our own body and feel no pain on their behalf?

Let our words be kind and our actions true, all done in hope that the Body may "build itself up" in unity and in the restoration of relationships and reputation, instead of torn down by the defeat of self-fulfilling prophecy and gossip and pride.

More than Conquerors

“We are more than conquerors through Him Who loved us.” “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”

Freedom.

It feels like our worship leaders always quote this during an interlude and we rejoice in it, but how does this freedom affect our lives? What does it free us to do, exactly? Why are we said to be free yet so often called slaves and servants of God and to righteousness?

There is an important distinction: we have been freed from something, but also for something. Freedom from death, freedom for righteousness.

The primary freedom for those in Christ is from the spiritual and eternal death that results from our sin.

At one time we were slaves to sin, slaves to our passions and desires, to that which cannot fully satisfy. We were slaves, because we were unable to do any differently. We were unable to change our desires, our feelings, our thoughts, our actions. 

On our own, we cannot seek God, "no one can come to [Him] unless the Father draws him" (John 6:44). It is He Who gives us the faith to trust in Him. It is that faith which leads us to repentance, to seeing God for Who He is, and, subsequently, ourselves for who we are in comparison to Him. No one trusting in self or sin will inherit Heaven. “And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God” (1 Corinthians 6:11). 

Through Christ, we are freed from death.

But there is another aspect to this freedom. Through Christ, we are also freed for day-to-day obedience to the Son and the sanctification of the Spirit.

Jesus told His disciples He no longer called them slaves but sons. Slaves do not know the Master’s business, they only do as directed. As sons, there is more than mere duty behind the actions; it is imitation of a father by his child. It is motivated by love and respect and admiration.

In other chapters, Jesus says that we are servants of righteousness. “So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty’” (Luke 17:10). How can both be true? How can we be slaves and also not slaves?

In the former, Jesus talks about motivation-- why we obey. The latter is directed toward our attitude-- how we obey, how we react to that obedience. “Does [the master] thank the servant because he did what was commanded?” No, it “was our duty.” This speaks to our sense of entitlement. We think God owes us something, because we’ve obeyed a few of the commands He died to equip us to carry out. “It is He Who works in us, both to will and to work according to His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13). It is “He Who began a good work in you” and will “carry it on to completion” (Philippians 1:6). Though we must consciously fight against sin, it is “not I, but the grace of God that is with me” (1 Corinthians 15:10). Servants of righteousness.

We are freed from who are were so that we might become like Christ. But we can't embrace who we are in Christ if we don't separate from who we were before Him. We must renounce sin and replace it with what is right. To not only “hate what is evil,” but also to “cling to what is good” (Romans 12:9). To not only remove “filthiness, foolish talk, and coarse joking, which are out of place among the saints,” but to fill your mouths with “thanksgiving” (Ephesians 5).

Removing sin without replacing it with obedience is to open the door for bitterness. We're tempted to fill our mind with what we’ve been “deprived” of. We're tempted to see God as a bit of a cosmic buzzkill.

This is where Satan got Eve: she focused on being commanded not to eat from one single tree, forgetting her freedom to enjoy the fruit of every other tree in the garden. And she fell to that temptation. We cannot think Christianity is simply to “deny yourself.". It is also to “take up your cross, and follow [Christ],” to become like Him, your desires aligned with His. To “renew your mind” and act accordingly (Romans 12:2).

Freedom from gossip.

Freedom from lying.

Freedom from tearing down.

Freedom from complaining.

Freedom from superficiality.

Freedom for encouragement.

Freedom for speaking the truth in love, with gentleness and respect.

Freedom for building up.

Freedom for giving thanks.

Freedom for vulnerability.

Freedom from loneliness.

Freedom from selfishness.

Freedom from any hint of sexual immorality.

Freedom from pornography.

Freedom from abuse and manipulation.

Freedom for “bearing one another’s burdens.”

Freedom for “outdoing one another in showing honor.”

Freedom for purity.

Freedom for intimacy.

Freedom for symbolizing Christ and the Church.

Freedom from wrath; freedom for peace.

Freedom from sin; freedom for righteousness.

Freedom from death; freedom for everlasting life.

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and Godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for Himself a people for His Own possession who are zealous for good works” (Titus 2).

Don't Wait for Your Future Spouse

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil... giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5.

Women of God encouraging younger women of God to wait patiently for their husbands wooed me into a dissonance of trust and hope. See, over and over again, I was told that "if you just pray", "if you just give up your desires to the Lord", "if you just do what He has you doing now", He will bring the right man at the right time.

Let's translate that into how I perceived it as a 7th grader:

"As soon as you stop looking, you'll trip over him as he's on one knee proposing to you!"

"Focus on obeying God and suddenly there will be the man of your dreams right beside you!"

And how I feel when I find myself still single:

"You have not sufficiently given God your desires to marry."

"You are not obedient enough to warrant a husband."

Needless to say, it was discouraging. And it was also deceiving. Because that just isn't how it works. I wish I had thought through my perceptions before they became instilled in me as truth.

With this mindset, not only am I discouraged about my faith because of my lack of romantic relationships, but I am deceived by my own hidden motives. If I do this, I will get that. I walk in obedience in one direction, the whole time checking back over my shoulder to see if my husband is falling in love with me yet. Suddenly, my obedience and fervor to speak of and act out the Gospel is less about genuine concern and service rendered as unto the Lord, and more of a self-serving "sacrifice" meant to give me what I want.

Maybe this is just my idolatry of marriage playing in to my thoughts. I know this to be at least partially true, as I've been looking ahead to the time of being able to love someone and have them love me in return until death do us part since I was aboouuut 8 years old. So I know I've thrown in some of my own biases while interpreting these well-meaning ladies.

But I think we need to be more specific when it comes to encouraging women to wait and to trust.

God is so good. He knows what I need, who I need, where I need to go, what I need to do. He knows my hopes, and He knows what will best fulfill the desires of my heart because He's the One Who made them.

He doesn't promise that I will get everything I want, but He does promise that if I pursue first His Kingdom and righteousness, He will provide for me everything I need, as a loving father provides for his beloved son.

Need being the key word.

I do have fears of loneliness, but the only time I truly feel lonely is when I'm complaining to people about how lonely I am, because I feel like I'm supposed to, because I'm ridiculous and want pity and compliments. I want someone to tell me of my value in the eyes of men. This isn't a need.

This is silly.

An insult to the Lord, Who sustains and satisfies those who seek Him.

What I need is not to wait on something He doesn't promise, like a love story that puts all other romantic relationships to shame. Maybe one day He does have plans for me to marry, but future possibilities cannot eclipse my current responsibilities or inhibit my thanksgiving.

What I do need to wait for are the instructions that He will give, while living according to the commands He has already given. To actively be still, knowing that He is God. To "run in the path of [His] commands" with joy and trust and peace and self-discipline. 

I need to stop waiting for God to give in to my idolatry while excusing my idleness. I need to wait with hope because God is wiser than I am, His timing and gifts are perfect, He is good, and He loves me and wants what is actually best for me.

That is the best use of my time.

So what if it wasn't good for Adam to be alone, prompting God to make Eve? So what if the first relationship given to ease loneliness was a marital one? Marriage is a shadow of a reality we can all know in Christ-- married or unmarried-- as He betrothes Himself to us, just as He unites us with the Father and with the whole Church of God.

Romantic relationships are not the only ones in which we can be known and loved. They shouldn't be the only ones we put effort into. There are plenty of other interpersonal relationships in which we connect in mentally and spiritually, reminding us that we are fully known and cared for by God.

My value does not rest in the desire of a man; it rests in the constant and unchanging, finished work of Jesus Christ, making me, through faith, forever, an inheriting child of the High King and Creator of all the universe. That is huge.

What the heck does it matter if a cute boy thinks I'm pretty.

"Only God can judge me."

Cultural Jesus today is vastly different than Biblical Jesus.

The world remembers Jesus's love of the outcast but ignores His correction, His charge to the healed to "sin no more."

They remember "For God so loved the world," but ignore that "sending His only begotten Son" was necessary for that love to be salvific.

Our pride causes us to hate being corrected. Who do they think they are to tell me what to do? People appease themselves by saying "only God can judge me," but it is rare that they actually believe He will. If that were the case, they would welcome the correction of humans in light of the holiness and justice of God in His judgment and discipline.

Maybe this is the church's fault. We try so hard to play down the offense of the Gospel by quickly flying through the verses about "falling short" of His glory, being "children of wrath," and deserving His eternal punishment for our many crimes against our Creator. We skip right to the "good stuff," emphasizing His love, His interception of eternal death on our behalf so that we may, in turn, experience His life. And that is good stuff! But it cannot be fully realized if we do not feel the weight of His wrath, of our sinful natures and actions.

His wrath is also the "good stuff."

His justice and His righteousness and His faithfulness to His commands and holiness are very very good. (And what a relief it is to know that God is "not a man, that He should change His mind"!) Forgetting our problems and inability to please God, skipping right to "but don't worry, because He died for you," makes the Gospel man-centered. Skipping over the wrath is a disservice to those who may be called, regenerated, and justified by the Gospel.

Without a proper view of God's righteousness, it's easy to think Jesus died because of us, because God loved us too much to be separated from us. Sure, He does. But God also loves His Own glory. Making His enemies into His children, changing the sinful nature of their hearts into the perfect nature of His Son is glorious. This shift of focus from God to man causes all kinds of problems when  we interpret the Bible and apply it to our lives.

It's time to investigate if we love Jesus or we love how Jesus makes us feel about ourselves.

See, cultural Jesus accepts everyone, tolerates their behavior, and soothes them with words of affirmation that we wish to one day hear a significant other whisper over us as we fall asleep every night.

Cultural Jesus tells them he understands, he knows what it's like. Sin is hard to avoid and therefore you know, it's actually okay to keep sinning, maybe he was being a bit harsh.

Cultural Jesus looks exactly the way we want him to-- shaped according to our ideals, our morals, our hopes, our personalities, our sin. We form him in our image. We make sure his stances match up to our feelings. Cultural Jesus looks a lot like us, and we worship Him for it.

Biblical Jesus changes everything and everyone He comes in contact with. He doesn't look into our souls and tell us we're doing alright, just keep doin' you. He's not here to boost our self-esteem or status, but to give us a joy and confidence that stands unmoved forever outside of ourselves, dependent only on His unchangeable nature and power and kindness and victory, not on our successes and failures.

He is not one to give His approval to that which is shameful or harmful or impure. He is "the Way, the Truth, and the Life," and He brings us to the Father to be made new, refreshed by the beauty and closeness of fellowship with an entirely "other," supernatural Being.

Biblical Jesus has feelings, and He knows pain and distress and rejection. He is present and He is near to those who trust in Him. We get so offended when we think of His anger toward those who do not repent to trust in Him. We think that it's unfair. "Shouldn't a God of love, love everyone?," and "if He loves everyone, He couldn't condemn them to hell."

We see that lack of fellowship and dismiss Him as unjust, but He isn't the one rejecting the opportunity for salvation. He did His part, and it cost Him His life.

Biblical Jesus does love us in our sinful state, and He does take us as we are. He doesn't require us to make ourselves clean in order to come to Him.

Biblical Jesus also loves us enough to strengthen and lead us and to "work in us to will and to work according to His good pleasure." We feel the you is kinds, you is smarts, and you is importants of the world in our souls, but there is even greater encouragement in Christ. His intimate knowledge of you, of your individuality, your passions, your fears. And with the fullest possible knowledge of you, He intercedes, He repairs, He shapes.

What greater encouragement exists? He does not make you less you; He makes you more you than you ever knew you could be, because He's the One that designed you! What better freedom is there to be found in this world than to belong to and be skillfully developed by the One Who formed every part of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual being?

Biblical Jesus isn't just the Priest to sacrifice for us, He is the King and the Judge. He isn't just righteous, He is the Lawgiver and Executor. He is simultaneously requiring us to be and making us holy.

Believer, "you are not your own, for you were bought with a price." You cannot make yourself lost to the One Who purchased you. You are His. He will seek you when you stray, He will satisfy your deepest soul-longings when you stay. 

People accept cultural Jesus because He thinks they're great just the way they are.

Biblical Jesus accepts us because He died to make us acceptable. Literally died for us. Hello. 

One would allow you to live your life in a way he knows to be dangerous just because you enjoy it for now.
The Other was raised from the dead so we could walk in obedience, in that which is truly "life and breath and everything," "because you are precious in [His] eyes, and honored, and [He loves] you."

He has "set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life."