Thoughts on Feminism as a Christian

There is a cultural move toward "political correctness" that many deem overly sensitive and others deem necessary. Both want the other to change their mind, yet both have already decided to disagree, parroting "winning" arguments in loud, obstinate voices without taking a moment to listen to the other.

I admit, in the past I've had a distaste for the term "feminism," solely based on the idea of a flipped tyranny, angrily sought by perpetuating stereotypes about men for perpetuating stereotypes about women. Now I've given it more thought and read into the core of the movements.

There have been different waves of feminism, each with unique arguments and goals. I am oversimplifying and in no way do I encompass or exhaust the full ideologies of each.

First wave: All American women are American citizens and should have full realization of the rights promised to American citizens. This recognition as a human being with inherent rights before the law should extend globally, and each government is responsible for granting and protecting fair rights and protections for both sexes.

Second wave: All women should be allowed to pursue a career (or to not), and if she attains the same job, with the same education, same level of experience, and she performs it with the same proficiency as a man, she should be paid accordingly. If she does it better, she should be paid accordingly. Though many blame the "Well, men are more likely to ask for a raise," or "They have families to take care of," it is undeniable that men are considered more inherently capable, and women are forced to prove themselves.

Third wave: Feminism can look like many things, and it should be a more individualized movement. Violence against women needs to end, and all have the right to speak and to be listened to. People in power should not be protected against the consequences of their actions resulting in fear on the part of the victim to speak up.

I support being proud of who we are, confident in our skills, caring for ourselves, but "self-actualization" is often hatefulness dressed up as freedom. "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" is a toxic, me-first attitude that does not promote any personal responsibility or reflection. It is reactionary, it is angry, it is destructive, and it is not done in love-- for ourselves or others. This is not love for ourselves, though it proports to be. It does not give people the opportunity to grow and yet it is totally unaware of it's own need for growth or it's own affect on others. People are allowed to be offended and hurt by your actions. Thinking someone is toxic for confronting you while you're just trying to live your truth is the toxic behavior. And it is contagious, it is the Fruit that Satan holds out to us, promising wisdom and fulfillment, promising that we will be like gods.

I don't believe the road to equality is traveled more quickly by blaming those ahead of you for being ahead of you. Work hard, and prove yourself able. Be reasonable, and prove yourself reliable. Be humble, and prove yourself honorable. That won't always be enough, because of your gender, your skin color, your temperament. But let it be a comfort that you are doing your best, and your best is beautiful.

When you find someone that doesn't comply or that holds to discriminatory ideas, I believe more will reconsider when shown kindness than obstinance. Despite their contemptible behavior, you acknowledge that they are human beings. Disrespect them and you undermine your own argument; respect them and you prove you believe it. If you see a woman being disparaged, stand with her. If you see a man being disparaged, stand with him. Not everyone needs a warrior, some people just need a friend.

Respond with grace while others are at their worst, celebrate with them at their best. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Just as you expect others to accept the excuses for your actions that hurt them, practice empathy in seeing it from their perspective before you respond. Then forgive them, fully and forever; holding grudges, promoting hate is not a step forward. Justice is a step forward, honesty, transparency, open communication makes steps forward.

The feminism I support is that which promotes true equality, that isn't fighting for the usurpation of the oppressor's throne, but rather the dissolution of the oppression entirely-- fighting for equal representation and provision for any and all to whom it has previously been granted or denied.

"For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel." (James 3:13-4:12)

"To have [unsettled disputes] at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded? But you yourselves wrong and defraud-- even your own brothers!" (1 Corinthians 6:7)

In the Name of God our Creator, Christ our Example, and the Holy Spirit our Guide, find and reflect the "love that covers a multitude of wrongs" and "looks not only to [your] own interests, but also to the interests of others," the love that "lays down [its] life for [their] friends" and "outdoes one another in showing honor." The love that "does not grow weary of doing good" but "makes every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification."

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

An Open Letter to Men who Grew Up in Church

An idea that permeates almost all television and movie genres is weak men. Men who are terrible at communicating, passive in parenting, inconsiderate in friendships, dishonest in relationships, and self-centered in life goals. The husband always the cheaters, physically or mentally. The fathers are always the disinterested, "go ask your mother," parent. Men are always the ones disconnected from and complacent toward their "inferiors". They flirt indiscriminately and run from commitment. The only ones that are any different are "the one" the female lead is looking for, and usually they're so "caring" that their entire world revolves around that one, special lady (ew).

It's really a shame that we expect so little from the males around us, especially within the church.

Christian men are told constantly they should be spiritual leaders, but there are mountains of slander rebelling against them. There are over-generalizations and little compassion from the church, and, in my experience, especially from the women.

At my church, usually around tenth grade, the girls would get together, sit the guys down, and have a "talk" with them. It basically goes that they'd tell the guys they need to step up and lead for 45 minutes, but that's the end of it. There's no real advice. We tell them they aren't doing a good job without stopping to consider that maybe they haven't yet been taught how. It isn't constructive or instructive. 

When a guy volunteers to do something, many people almost sneer at them as if "it's about time we awesome women can sit back for once while a guy does something for a change." Really, there is so much bitterness and angsty speech, as if we're perfect and they're the worst.

But Biblical womanhood is about so much more than sitting back as men lead. It's about helping them to lead. We are to be a support system within the Body, each with assigned roles-- not of value or worth, but of duty.

And men have been given the duty to lead, women the duty to help them do so.

God made man to be strong, to protect, to stand up for those who can't, to serve, to lead, to love.

God made women to be strong, to encourage, to stand up for those who can't, to serve, to nurture, to respect.

Women often feel they have to "teach" the males to be men, as if women perfectly understand what that entails. We feel we have to set an example and then sigh as we sit down and make eye contact with the guy seated beside us. Like if we just tell them they're doing poorly enough times, eventually they'll stop being "lazy" and do what we ask. After all, "is it really that hard?"

But it is. Especially when many of these guys do not have Godly men discipling them, in order to "imitate them as they imitate Christ" (1 Corinthians 11:1). Many of them feel insecure now that none of the things they have done seem to count. Much of the time, their focus is forced onto pleasing us instead of God, because somehow, though He requires us "to be perfect, as our heavenly Father is perfect," we are more difficult to please. Though God has forgiven us of much, we are less willing to extend grace.

They don't need complaints, they need instruction.

They don't need nagging, they need affirmation.

They don't need girls looking with disdain on their efforts as if they aren't enough.

It takes support to be strong, to stand in the face of opposition. It takes vulnerability to live in unity of purpose. It takes other, more spiritually mature men coming alongside them, helping them to develop the ability to learn and obey God's Word and to respond to the Holy Spirit's leading. It takes specificity in instruction and examples in correction. There is no room for, "You shouldn't need me to tell you," or, "You should already know."

We need to point them to Christ instead of at their sin. To remind them of God's Word, that it isn't their strength and actions that make them acceptable to God, that there are consequences but also grace and forgiveness and love when they're wrong. 

We expect so little. We expect men to fail, to act how we are told by the media that "men" (*cross arms, side-glance, eye-roll, sigh*) "always" act.

It is often times true. Men were made to lead, to be a representation of Christ in their leading, as Christ leads the Church. Satan knows that. And so he attacks them. He attacks them with fear, self-doubt, laziness, and lack of empathy. He attacks repeatedly in attempt to wear them down into becoming passive, angry, indecisive, self-loathing.

We shouldn't let our voices endorse the message that Satan is trying to send them. Our words should not be reiterating those of our Lord's enemy.

Our words should be life-giving, refreshing their souls. They should be kind, helpful, and honest, comforting their hearts and strengthening their minds. As "fellow heirs" and "brothers and sisters," we should build them up to become like Christ, Who was confident by faith in the Word and love and plan of God. We should acknowledge small steps in the right direction. 

It is the job of the Holy Spirit to convict. No matter how many times we remind anyone of something in the Bible, it is the Holy Spirit Who gives the words effect. Knowing this, we don't need to say (or imply passive-aggressively...) something incessantly, making our tone and message and body language exponentially more disparaging and making ourselves more and more bitter and prideful in the process. Speak truth to one another, yes, and pray. Pray until you see change and then keep praying. It is in prayer that God keeps your heart tender to those around you-- even those who continue to mess up, no matter how many times you admonish them. 

We must regard one another with humility, gentleness, and respect, remembering that it is the grace of God that we have any revelation of His will at all, and that "it is He Who works in us, both to will and to work according to His good pleasure." Of course there is effort on our part, and it is important to speak honest words that point out error, but, as Matthew 18 commands, our rebuke should be private, and it shouldn't be condemning. It should be done in the willingness to listen, understand, help, and to see them restored.

In Christ, our guilt is gone. Who are we to continue to hold it against them?

In Christ, we are given a new heart. Who are we to think theirs is any less responsive than ours?

In Christ, we are made one. Who are we to speak harshly against members of our own body and feel no pain on their behalf?

Let our words be kind and our actions true, all done in hope that the Body may "build itself up" in unity and in the restoration of relationships and reputation, instead of torn down by the defeat of self-fulfilling prophecy and gossip and pride.

"Refresh my heart in Christ."

There is an important distinction between thinking critically and thinking cynically. 

As Christians, we are meant to think critically, holding what we hear up to what the Word of God says, to discern and uplift Truth. 

Always looking for the worst in people and expecting them to fail is not thinking critically. Incurable negativity toward our leaders and our friends isn't thinking critically. It's exhausting. It's cynicism.

Cynicism is not respecting those the Lord has set over us (1 Thessalonians 5:12-13). It is not gentle correction spoken in love and respect (1 Peter 3:15-16). It's bitterness, jealousy, and pride disguised as piety and wisdom. We serve ourselves and our egos, not each other. 

An attitude of cynicism is oppressive. It stifles growth and unity. It breeds division and anxious subversiveness. It is spread by gossip and slander and fed by our desire to impress those around us with "superior intellect". We adapt to that which we constantly hear if not consciously checking it against the Word.

Where is the encouragement? Where is the genuine interest? Where is the excitement about the work of the Lord?

Why don't we talk about what we are learning? Why are we afraid to talk about our struggles and our joys, about anything beyond the superficial? Why do we allow our relationship with God to be so private and so unchallenged and so unaffected by the wisdom and experience and kindness of those around us?

And why is there not more positivity and gladness? Why don't we encourage people and help them pursue the dreams God has given them-- or worse, why do we deem certain dreams "secular" when God commands all things to be done as for the Lord and not for man (Ephesians 6:7)? With this attitude and with Him as our motivation, nothing that leads us to God is secular for us but is "holy to the Lord" (Zechariah 14:20).

Why do we have to walk so much by sight and discourage people from following what they love and feel that God is leading them to do, in faith?

I feel like we're suffocating each other. We could be a refreshment to each other's spirits, a comfort to each other's hearts (Philemon 1:20). We could join each other in our struggles by praying to God for each other (Romans 15:30). We could bear one another's burdens (Galatians 6:2), not add our weak faith and grumblings to them.

But we can't do that without honest, painful, somewhat embarrassing conversation, without knowing each other more deeply and allowing others to get to know us. We cannot be afraid to ask difficult questions that bring up difficult emotions. We cannot stare at our phones and expect people to open up to us. We cannot ask people to open up to us, then abandon them when it isn't interesting anymore.

Let your words bring life (Proverbs 10:11), let them build up not tear down (Romans 15:2). Let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual up-building (Romans 14:19). Rejoice in the Gospel together, be humbled with joy in Biblical correction.

Be motivated by Godly love, which is patient and kind; it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, and it is not rude. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13). It is by this type of love that the world will see Jesus (John 13:35).

Let us therefore follow the example of our perfect, brave, kind, holy, humble, self-sacrificing King.

"If there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted Him and bestowed on Him the Name that is above every name, so that at the Name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father" (Philippians 2).

That is fellowship. That is what makes a church the Church.

Forgetting to "Receive the Message With Great Eagerness"

A few weeks ago, I returned home from the Passion Conference I attended with the college ministry from my church. One thing I love about our group is our desire to hear and speak/sing truth. But one thing I've grown accustomed to-- one thing I dislike in myself and in our conversations-- is that search for truth ending in cynicism and grumbling. So often we hear one poor word choice and immediately hate an entire song. Or the pastor says one semi-ambiguous phrase so we assume his theologically-solid points to be a fluke and he a heretic. We're very extreme in our complaints. Sometimes, yes, in jest. But the type of jokes we look for trains our minds how to think and can affect us seriously.

As Christians, we need to "examine the Scriptures every day to see if what [our leaders] said was true" (Acts 17:11), but I think we've trained ourselves to focus so much on their saying something incorrectly or insufficiently that we've neglected our training to "receive the message with great eagerness."

Let's talk about worship songs for a second. It is crucial that our songs reflect truth and exalt Christ. I think they should be focused on the Lord and not on us. They should be saturated with the Gospel and the characteristics of God and His promises.

And I'm not saying we should mindlessly sing songs we don't understand because the sound pretty, or unthinkingly sing promises that we cannot keep even if we desire to ("I will always..." lines for example). 

The trouble starts when we're focused on word choices rather than the expressed truth.

"There must be factions among you, so that those who are genuine among you may be recognized", but "what causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?" (1 Corinthians 11:19; James 4:1)

We are acting in a manner common with the world when our pride causes us to harp on the weakness of others. Instead of thanking God for the grace that has sanctified us, we look condescendingly on those who, though seeking with a pure heart, may be mistaken on some points, as if we've always been right about everything.

Instead, "welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God" (Romans 15).

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord ('closely united in soul') and of one mind ('opinion fleshing itself out in action')."

"Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind... In your hearts, honor Christ as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with all gentleness and respect" (Philippians 2; 1 Peter 3).

Our theology is unimpressive and unimportant so long as it leads us into pride and hardheartedness. It is the beliefs that make us increasingly grateful and gracious that give our faith any value.

Doing All This in Your Name

Yesterday one of the girls on the cheerleading team I coach closed her prayer with, "...doing all this in Your Name." As I thought back over the past hour, I was ashamed and terrified for us. Disrespecting, shouting, gossiping, anger, frustration, impatience, pride... all in His Name?

We hear it all the time-- doing all things for the glory of God, doing things in His Name-- but for some reason it really struck me yesterday.

All things.

As a follower of Christ, I am also an "ambassador for Christ" (2 Corinthians 5:20). In all that I do, I am a witness for or against Him. I draw people to or away from Him.

My actions are supposed to be a representation of Who God is, "as though God were making His appeal through us." The lives of those who have "been brought near" are to be the testimony of a God Who is Creator and Sustainer and Redeemer and Sanctifier (Ephesians 2:12-13).

Instead, so many times, our actions and words and thoughts tell a different story, and we excuse  it with our humanity and other people's actions. But God did not choose us, Jesus did not die for us, and the Holy Spirit did not regenerate and seal us, just so we could continue to live according to our flesh; we were doing a perfectly good job of that without the intervention of His atoning blood and sacrifice. We were not made new so we could continue to "conform to the pattern of this world", but to be like Christ (Romans 12:2)!

All things for His Name.

Everything we do is taken into account by the world, shaping their thoughts of God. Are we really living for the glory of the Creator, Sustainer, Redeemer, Sanctifier God or are we living for our false gods? gods that don't save-- delusions that "turn [His] glory into shame" because we attach His Name to lives that bow to much different ideals (Psalm 4:2)?

If we instead "walk by the Spirit, [we] will not gratify the desires of the flesh" (Galatians 5:16). Even further, "clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh" (Romans 13:14).

So often we live for ourselves, selfishly, pridefully blaming others for our sin. "For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?" (1 Corinthians 3:3). Do we really suppose that any person will be held more accountable for our actions than we are for our reactions? We must learn, "in whatever situation [we are], to be content"  and to "outdo one another in showing honor" (Philippians 4:11, Romans 12:10). To "make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification" (Romans 14:19).

All things for His glory, because He's the only One worthy of glory. He's the only One that has glory. And He has enough glory to fill the entire world as the waters cover the seas (Habakkuk 2:14, Isaiah 6:3, 40:5)!

God help me to praise Yoy and serve You with all I am, because all I am has been redeemed by and for You. Your Name be praised!

"Amen! Praise and glory and wisdom and thanks and honor and power and strength be to our God for ever and ever. Amen!" Revelation 7:12.