When a Christian Falls Away

"...and some of the wise shall stumble, so that they may be refined, purified, and made white..." (Daniel 11:35)

It hurts to hear someone who once followed Christ has traded Him for the pleasures of the world. There are those who go astray who were never true in their repentance at the first, just as John says in 1 John 2:19. But I believe that there are true believers, too, who walk away, spend a good deal of their time saying "yes" to sin (Titus 2:12), and return, never having lost their status as "son" in Christ, but grieving the Holy Spirit all the same.

In fact, as the Prodigal Son gave everything to his momentary pleasure until he had nothing left, it is often this wallowing in sin that causes many to return to God with even greater humility and awe and joy, knowing that when they went astray, He was steady and they were "kept" (Jude 1:1).

I don't believe God revokes justification. I don't believe we keep ourselves saved by our obedience. But where does 1 John fit into this? There is a whole section expounding the fact that "no one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's Seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God."

I think the difference is understood in this: time.

There are those who never truly knew Christ, but spoke as though they did-- and maybe even believed it themselves. In the middle of all the church activities, just like those crowds who welcomed Jesus into Jerusalem shouting one day that He was their King and the next that He should die.

After these have turned to pursue the world, few return, nor do they find any reason to. All they thought they knew of God was only second-hand and disappointing. What they had in church was never any more real (and a lot less visceral) to them than the temporary highs the world has given them since they've abandoned Him and His teaching.

However, for those who do know Christ, I feel like in the back of their minds they still fight with themselves, even just a little, knowing that what they are doing won't give them the lasting fulfillment they want. They get more and more determined to misattribute the depression and fear and shame they feel and seek to override it by committing more shameful acts until one day they find they can't continue. And so they repent because, despite all the anxiety toward returning to Christ and His church, they recognize it as the only complete hope and light to be found in the world.

And that is the difference: they do come back.

They come back to the peace and joy of God found in the study and practice of His commands.

Not back to favor with God or to salvation because that can't be lost. Those who have been called and justified cannot annul the promise of being glorified (Romans 8:30). They have the promise that the work that has been started in them by God will also be brought to completion by God (Philippians 1:6). They have the Holy Spirit as a guarantee of their salvation (Ephesians 1:4), no matter how well they've managed to stifle His conviction.

Our position before God is never based on us and how well we do choosing Christ and abstaining from sin. It is based in Christ. Always and only Christ-- His holy birth, His holy life, His holy death, His holy resurrection, all "according to the Scriptures," (1 Corinthians 15:3-4) and all the basis for the new covenant (Hebrews, especially 10:11-18) through which we stand before God.

As Colossians 3:3 states, we are hidden with Christ in God. What does this mean but that the unity Jesus prayed for in John 17 has been granted-- that just as He and the Father are one, so we also may be one with each other and, all together, with Him.

We cannot be separated. The Father and Christ cannot be separated; they are One eternally. The Father turned His back on His Son on the cross as He became sin for us (1 Corinthians 5:21), but Jesus didn't cease to be the Father's Son. No, that inexorable title and nature is what caused Christ to rise from the dead in victory! In salvation, we, too-- because we are "hidden in" (within; protected, renewed, kept, and insured by) One who will never be cast away-- are ourselves never to be cast away.

Perhaps you will say that because we are hidden in Christ, we will not give in to sin again for any extended amount of time. Lord willing that will be true. But how much time is too much? For surely we all sin, and that sin takes time to commit. Is there a limit? a grace period that expires at a certain mark, after which you lose your salvation? I don't believe there to be such a scale.

Let's go back to Colossians 3, adding in Ephesians 2-4 which begins with Paul telling us that, though still physically on earth, we also are seated with Christ in Heaven. We see from the order of action in both of these passages that it is only from that position that we are able to give up sin. We are not in Christ because we are doing a good job of resisting temptation on our own. We fight to become sinless because we have been made alive in Christ, and it is only by the strength that He provides that we can obey (Philippians 2:13).

Our position doesn't change because Christ never changes, and, if we are in Him, we are protected by His perfection. He has given His perfect record to us forever. He did not wipe our slate clean at the beginning of salvation to then begin a new record of wrongs.

Yes, God knows our current sins. He isn't blind to our actions; He knows when we've gone astray. But He doesn't attach His wrath to that knowledge, "for Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God." The sentence for every sin we have, are, or will commit has already been spent on Christ.

And that is why we shouldn't continue sinning.

Why Hebrews 10 goes on to say that when we sin, we have "trampled underfoot the Son of God, and profaned the blood of the covenant by which [we are] sanctified, and has treated with arrogance the Spirit of grace."

How dare we disgrace that which has given us our freedom. How much greater wrath do we deserve who spitefully disregard He Who destroyed Himself, so we could be made whole in Him? What further hope do we have than Christ?

But His blood and His covenant, even in the face of great contempt, do not become ineffectual. Because God cannot deny Himself (2 Timothy 2:13), He remains faithful to the covenant He has made with His Son and with us, even when we wander.

Christ is our sacrifice, pointing to His once and for all pardon.

Christ is our King and our Judge, reminding us of His Law and writing it on our hearts, disciplining us in whatever way necessary to cause us to feel true remorse over the "sin that so easily entangles" (Hebrews 12:1) that we might return to Him in repentance.

Christ is our High Priest, "praying for us that our faith may not fail" and instructing us to "strengthen our brothers" by pointing out the deceitfulness of sin and the "surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:8).

If we are truly in Christ, eventually we will listen. And when we've returned, we will have been further refined and purified through the fire of disappointment, discipline, and repentance.

An Open Letter to Men who Grew Up in Church

An idea that permeates almost all television and movie genres is weak men. Men who are terrible at communicating, passive in parenting, inconsiderate in friendships, dishonest in relationships, and self-centered in life goals. The husband always the cheaters, physically or mentally. The fathers are always the disinterested, "go ask your mother," parent. Men are always the ones disconnected from and complacent toward their "inferiors". They flirt indiscriminately and run from commitment. The only ones that are any different are "the one" the female lead is looking for, and usually they're so "caring" that their entire world revolves around that one, special lady (ew).

It's really a shame that we expect so little from the males around us, especially within the church.

Christian men are told constantly they should be spiritual leaders, but there are mountains of slander rebelling against them. There are over-generalizations and little compassion from the church, and, in my experience, especially from the women.

At my church, usually around tenth grade, the girls would get together, sit the guys down, and have a "talk" with them. It basically goes that they'd tell the guys they need to step up and lead for 45 minutes, but that's the end of it. There's no real advice. We tell them they aren't doing a good job without stopping to consider that maybe they haven't yet been taught how. It isn't constructive or instructive. 

When a guy volunteers to do something, many people almost sneer at them as if "it's about time we awesome women can sit back for once while a guy does something for a change." Really, there is so much bitterness and angsty speech, as if we're perfect and they're the worst.

But Biblical womanhood is about so much more than sitting back as men lead. It's about helping them to lead. We are to be a support system within the Body, each with assigned roles-- not of value or worth, but of duty.

And men have been given the duty to lead, women the duty to help them do so.

God made man to be strong, to protect, to stand up for those who can't, to serve, to lead, to love.

God made women to be strong, to encourage, to stand up for those who can't, to serve, to nurture, to respect.

Women often feel they have to "teach" the males to be men, as if women perfectly understand what that entails. We feel we have to set an example and then sigh as we sit down and make eye contact with the guy seated beside us. Like if we just tell them they're doing poorly enough times, eventually they'll stop being "lazy" and do what we ask. After all, "is it really that hard?"

But it is. Especially when many of these guys do not have Godly men discipling them, in order to "imitate them as they imitate Christ" (1 Corinthians 11:1). Many of them feel insecure now that none of the things they have done seem to count. Much of the time, their focus is forced onto pleasing us instead of God, because somehow, though He requires us "to be perfect, as our heavenly Father is perfect," we are more difficult to please. Though God has forgiven us of much, we are less willing to extend grace.

They don't need complaints, they need instruction.

They don't need nagging, they need affirmation.

They don't need girls looking with disdain on their efforts as if they aren't enough.

It takes support to be strong, to stand in the face of opposition. It takes vulnerability to live in unity of purpose. It takes other, more spiritually mature men coming alongside them, helping them to develop the ability to learn and obey God's Word and to respond to the Holy Spirit's leading. It takes specificity in instruction and examples in correction. There is no room for, "You shouldn't need me to tell you," or, "You should already know."

We need to point them to Christ instead of at their sin. To remind them of God's Word, that it isn't their strength and actions that make them acceptable to God, that there are consequences but also grace and forgiveness and love when they're wrong. 

We expect so little. We expect men to fail, to act how we are told by the media that "men" (*cross arms, side-glance, eye-roll, sigh*) "always" act.

It is often times true. Men were made to lead, to be a representation of Christ in their leading, as Christ leads the Church. Satan knows that. And so he attacks them. He attacks them with fear, self-doubt, laziness, and lack of empathy. He attacks repeatedly in attempt to wear them down into becoming passive, angry, indecisive, self-loathing.

We shouldn't let our voices endorse the message that Satan is trying to send them. Our words should not be reiterating those of our Lord's enemy.

Our words should be life-giving, refreshing their souls. They should be kind, helpful, and honest, comforting their hearts and strengthening their minds. As "fellow heirs" and "brothers and sisters," we should build them up to become like Christ, Who was confident by faith in the Word and love and plan of God. We should acknowledge small steps in the right direction. 

It is the job of the Holy Spirit to convict. No matter how many times we remind anyone of something in the Bible, it is the Holy Spirit Who gives the words effect. Knowing this, we don't need to say (or imply passive-aggressively...) something incessantly, making our tone and message and body language exponentially more disparaging and making ourselves more and more bitter and prideful in the process. Speak truth to one another, yes, and pray. Pray until you see change and then keep praying. It is in prayer that God keeps your heart tender to those around you-- even those who continue to mess up, no matter how many times you admonish them. 

We must regard one another with humility, gentleness, and respect, remembering that it is the grace of God that we have any revelation of His will at all, and that "it is He Who works in us, both to will and to work according to His good pleasure." Of course there is effort on our part, and it is important to speak honest words that point out error, but, as Matthew 18 commands, our rebuke should be private, and it shouldn't be condemning. It should be done in the willingness to listen, understand, help, and to see them restored.

In Christ, our guilt is gone. Who are we to continue to hold it against them?

In Christ, we are given a new heart. Who are we to think theirs is any less responsive than ours?

In Christ, we are made one. Who are we to speak harshly against members of our own body and feel no pain on their behalf?

Let our words be kind and our actions true, all done in hope that the Body may "build itself up" in unity and in the restoration of relationships and reputation, instead of torn down by the defeat of self-fulfilling prophecy and gossip and pride.

More than Conquerors

“We are more than conquerors through Him Who loved us.” “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”

Freedom.

It feels like our worship leaders always quote this during an interlude and we rejoice in it, but how does this freedom affect our lives? What does it free us to do, exactly? Why are we said to be free yet so often called slaves and servants of God and to righteousness?

There is an important distinction: we have been freed from something, but also for something. Freedom from death, freedom for righteousness.

The primary freedom for those in Christ is from the spiritual and eternal death that results from our sin.

At one time we were slaves to sin, slaves to our passions and desires, to that which cannot fully satisfy. We were slaves, because we were unable to do any differently. We were unable to change our desires, our feelings, our thoughts, our actions. 

On our own, we cannot seek God, "no one can come to [Him] unless the Father draws him" (John 6:44). It is He Who gives us the faith to trust in Him. It is that faith which leads us to repentance, to seeing God for Who He is, and, subsequently, ourselves for who we are in comparison to Him. No one trusting in self or sin will inherit Heaven. “And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God” (1 Corinthians 6:11). 

Through Christ, we are freed from death.

But there is another aspect to this freedom. Through Christ, we are also freed for day-to-day obedience to the Son and the sanctification of the Spirit.

Jesus told His disciples He no longer called them slaves but sons. Slaves do not know the Master’s business, they only do as directed. As sons, there is more than mere duty behind the actions; it is imitation of a father by his child. It is motivated by love and respect and admiration.

In other chapters, Jesus says that we are servants of righteousness. “So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty’” (Luke 17:10). How can both be true? How can we be slaves and also not slaves?

In the former, Jesus talks about motivation-- why we obey. The latter is directed toward our attitude-- how we obey, how we react to that obedience. “Does [the master] thank the servant because he did what was commanded?” No, it “was our duty.” This speaks to our sense of entitlement. We think God owes us something, because we’ve obeyed a few of the commands He died to equip us to carry out. “It is He Who works in us, both to will and to work according to His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13). It is “He Who began a good work in you” and will “carry it on to completion” (Philippians 1:6). Though we must consciously fight against sin, it is “not I, but the grace of God that is with me” (1 Corinthians 15:10). Servants of righteousness.

We are freed from who are were so that we might become like Christ. But we can't embrace who we are in Christ if we don't separate from who we were before Him. We must renounce sin and replace it with what is right. To not only “hate what is evil,” but also to “cling to what is good” (Romans 12:9). To not only remove “filthiness, foolish talk, and coarse joking, which are out of place among the saints,” but to fill your mouths with “thanksgiving” (Ephesians 5).

Removing sin without replacing it with obedience is to open the door for bitterness. We're tempted to fill our mind with what we’ve been “deprived” of. We're tempted to see God as a bit of a cosmic buzzkill.

This is where Satan got Eve: she focused on being commanded not to eat from one single tree, forgetting her freedom to enjoy the fruit of every other tree in the garden. And she fell to that temptation. We cannot think Christianity is simply to “deny yourself.". It is also to “take up your cross, and follow [Christ],” to become like Him, your desires aligned with His. To “renew your mind” and act accordingly (Romans 12:2).

Freedom from gossip.

Freedom from lying.

Freedom from tearing down.

Freedom from complaining.

Freedom from superficiality.

Freedom for encouragement.

Freedom for speaking the truth in love, with gentleness and respect.

Freedom for building up.

Freedom for giving thanks.

Freedom for vulnerability.

Freedom from loneliness.

Freedom from selfishness.

Freedom from any hint of sexual immorality.

Freedom from pornography.

Freedom from abuse and manipulation.

Freedom for “bearing one another’s burdens.”

Freedom for “outdoing one another in showing honor.”

Freedom for purity.

Freedom for intimacy.

Freedom for symbolizing Christ and the Church.

Freedom from wrath; freedom for peace.

Freedom from sin; freedom for righteousness.

Freedom from death; freedom for everlasting life.

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and Godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for Himself a people for His Own possession who are zealous for good works” (Titus 2).

Don't Wait for Your Future Spouse

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil... giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5.

Women of God encouraging younger women of God to wait patiently for their husbands wooed me into a dissonance of trust and hope. See, over and over again, I was told that "if you just pray", "if you just give up your desires to the Lord", "if you just do what He has you doing now", He will bring the right man at the right time.

Let's translate that into how I perceived it as a 7th grader:

"As soon as you stop looking, you'll trip over him as he's on one knee proposing to you!"

"Focus on obeying God and suddenly there will be the man of your dreams right beside you!"

And how I feel when I find myself still single:

"You have not sufficiently given God your desires to marry."

"You are not obedient enough to warrant a husband."

Needless to say, it was discouraging. And it was also deceiving. Because that just isn't how it works. I wish I had thought through my perceptions before they became instilled in me as truth.

With this mindset, not only am I discouraged about my faith because of my lack of romantic relationships, but I am deceived by my own hidden motives. If I do this, I will get that. I walk in obedience in one direction, the whole time checking back over my shoulder to see if my husband is falling in love with me yet. Suddenly, my obedience and fervor to speak of and act out the Gospel is less about genuine concern and service rendered as unto the Lord, and more of a self-serving "sacrifice" meant to give me what I want.

Maybe this is just my idolatry of marriage playing in to my thoughts. I know this to be at least partially true, as I've been looking ahead to the time of being able to love someone and have them love me in return until death do us part since I was aboouuut 8 years old. So I know I've thrown in some of my own biases while interpreting these well-meaning ladies.

But I think we need to be more specific when it comes to encouraging women to wait and to trust.

God is so good. He knows what I need, who I need, where I need to go, what I need to do. He knows my hopes, and He knows what will best fulfill the desires of my heart because He's the One Who made them.

He doesn't promise that I will get everything I want, but He does promise that if I pursue first His Kingdom and righteousness, He will provide for me everything I need, as a loving father provides for his beloved son.

Need being the key word.

I do have fears of loneliness, but the only time I truly feel lonely is when I'm complaining to people about how lonely I am, because I feel like I'm supposed to, because I'm ridiculous and want pity and compliments. I want someone to tell me of my value in the eyes of men. This isn't a need.

This is silly.

An insult to the Lord, Who sustains and satisfies those who seek Him.

What I need is not to wait on something He doesn't promise, like a love story that puts all other romantic relationships to shame. Maybe one day He does have plans for me to marry, but future possibilities cannot eclipse my current responsibilities or inhibit my thanksgiving.

What I do need to wait for are the instructions that He will give, while living according to the commands He has already given. To actively be still, knowing that He is God. To "run in the path of [His] commands" with joy and trust and peace and self-discipline. 

I need to stop waiting for God to give in to my idolatry while excusing my idleness. I need to wait with hope because God is wiser than I am, His timing and gifts are perfect, He is good, and He loves me and wants what is actually best for me.

That is the best use of my time.

So what if it wasn't good for Adam to be alone, prompting God to make Eve? So what if the first relationship given to ease loneliness was a marital one? Marriage is a shadow of a reality we can all know in Christ-- married or unmarried-- as He betrothes Himself to us, just as He unites us with the Father and with the whole Church of God.

Romantic relationships are not the only ones in which we can be known and loved. They shouldn't be the only ones we put effort into. There are plenty of other interpersonal relationships in which we connect in mentally and spiritually, reminding us that we are fully known and cared for by God.

My value does not rest in the desire of a man; it rests in the constant and unchanging, finished work of Jesus Christ, making me, through faith, forever, an inheriting child of the High King and Creator of all the universe. That is huge.

What the heck does it matter if a cute boy thinks I'm pretty.

"Let love be genuine." Part 2.

Part 1 of "Let love be genuine."

There's only so many ways you can say the same thing, hoping for change. There's only so much you can do to breed unity and brotherly affection amongst the Body of Christ. There's only so much one-sided effort you can put in to your friendships before you can say your options are exhausted. 

But have we really given to the fullest extent?

We often fool ourselves into thinking we've done much more than we have. Thoughts are not actions. Complaints are not changes. Hearing the Word and agreeing with it does not make you obedient to it. 

But, I am often stuck there. I am of those about whom God said, "These people honor Me with their lips, but their hearts are far from Me" (Isaiah 29:13). But, "dear children, let us not love in word or talk, but in deed and in truth" (1 John 3:18).

I've been singing songs about the world knowing us by our love since preschool. In high school, the Lord directed me to Romans 15:4-6 to convict me of personal and corporate sin and to encourage change. But I'm not sure I fully understood the importance of unity and the purpose of the love that comes from knowing God.

Our world today is obsessed with "love." From the overtly sensual, self-seeking to the more charitable views, love has become ubiquitous in American society. 

But what is the difference in Christian love that is to cause that society to look at the Church and say, "Look how they love one another" (Tertullian). Or rather, what is supposed to be the difference? What type of love did Christ command when He said all men would recognize His disciples by it?

1 John 4 tells us that the love we are to show one another is the love God showed for us in sending His Son, Who was willingly sent to die on the cross to atone for someone else's sins against His Father, our Judge. 

John continues to say what the commanded love is not: "that we loved Him." How is this so? Why is the love with which we love God not sufficient? Because that love is dependent on His first loving us. This harps on Christ's former command to "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." Our love for God is not the commanded love because it begins and ends with the actions of another (and because it has a beginning and an ending at all). It is conditional. "We love because He first loved us." 

How, then, does this differ from the world's love? "If you love those who love you, what reward do you have? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even [unbelievers] do the same?" (Matthew 5:43-48).

No, God's love is one that contradicts everything we are told to stand for today-- defiant independence, tending to our needs first, insisting people earn our respect. This seems to be hardwired into us, really. We love those who love us and hate those who hate us. But the command is to love those who hate us, even those who actively seek our hurt and ruin, because that is what God did with us, that is Who "God is" (1 John 4:8). 

Unfortunately for us, this, like all the other commands in the Bible, is inherently impossible. We do not have the ability to carry it out. We may have times of compliance, but it is not possible to "be perfect as your Heavenly Father is perfect." Perfect denotes an absolute; the complete fulfillment of a command is the eternal obedience to it. Yet "those who are in the flesh cannot please God" (Romans 8:8).

That's where this commanded love steps in: from God in Christ Jesus, Who was sent to save us from our "filthy rags," to raise us from death and slavery to sin, and to guide us by the Holy Spirit, Who will "equip [us] with everything good, that [we] may do His will, working in [us] that which is pleasing in His sight" (Hebrews 13:21). Only "by grace, through faith" (Ephesians 2:8) in Christ's obedience on our behalf can we ourselves be made like Him.

So back to the original question: In what manner is the love that believers are to show one another so different from the love in the world, that they would see us and know we've experienced something of another spiritual realm?

1. Difference of focus. Our minds must be set steadily on this one reality: "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). Believer, you were an enemy of God when He looked upon you, opened your eyes, unstopped your ears, and gave you understanding and life through His Son. God poured out grace upon those who reviled Him with everything they did. That is the love we are told to model, and we can only do it by constantly reminding ourselves to seek the strength of the One Whose love is never exhausted.

2. Difference of effort. People are often looked up to today when they use their excess for the betterment of others. But God commands more. Those commended by the Lord Jesus were not those who "contributed out of their abundance", but the widow who "put in everything she had, all she had to live on" (Mark 12:44). We cannot give up when we realize we have to make sacrifices. We must be willing to fulfill needs even if it costs us more time, effort, and resources than we think we can spare. Sometimes what is needed is a painful yet cathartic conversation with someone genuinely listening, praying. We must be willing to "pour ourselves out" (Isaiah 58), "seeking first His Kingdom and righteousness," trusting that "our Heavenly Father knows what we need" (Matthew 6:33), and that "He cares for you" (1 Peter 5:7). "You were wearied with the length of your way, but you did not say, 'It is hopeless'; you found new life for your strength" in the cry of the Christ from the cross: "It is finished" (Isaiah 57:10; John 19:30). 

3. Difference in goals. "Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor" "for his good, to build him up", "so that they may be saved" (1 Corinthians 10:24; Romans 15:2; 1 Corinthians 10:33). Our goal is not the warm feeling we get when someone thanks us or when we see them rejoicing. Our goal is not to make others happy or comfortable. Our goal is not to flatter, to speak comforting words at the expense of acknowledgement and repentance of sin. Our goal is not to "restore people’s hope in mankind." There is one Hope, and it is not us, and it is not our charity. Our goal is to be obedient and then be forgotten-- to "grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace."

The actions of both worldly and Godly love often look similar: the feeding of the hungry, the fight for justice, the caring for orphans. So what is the difference? It is simple and yet unthinkable. The difference is forgiving as we've been forgiven: completely, restoratively, eternally. The difference is putting others before ourselves (Romans 12:10), treating others as we want to be treated (Matthew 7:12) regardless of how they treat us. 

Truly the difference is God Himself. Let "all your ways acknowledge Him" (Proverbs 3:6).

"Let love be genuine." Part 1.

This weekend I facilitated a church event with the 9th grade group of girls I teach on Sundays. I am so thankful for them and for what God has shown them and their willingness to share those things with and encourage each other.

I've been attending/participating in these weekend events since 2005, as a student and, for the past two years, as a leader. It's incredible to be able to serve the ministry that fostered my walk with the Lord so much throughout my teenage years. Unfortunately, as I am a sinful person, a lot of those weekends were riddled with distractions allowed in by my own selfish ambition and discontentment. But one year in particular sticks out in my mind.

One of my last years going as a student I was split from most of my closest friends. At first, I didn't "do everything without complaining or grumbling," but as the weekend went on, I became increasingly thankful for the surpassing wisdom of the Lord. Everyone was so encouraging. We didn't hold back the genuine compliments regarding not only appearance but character, knowing we all need affirmation every once in a while (and, bonus, if it comes from our friends and family, we don't just fall in love with everyone who says something moderately nice to us). People weren't left out, laying all by themselves while everyone else talked about insignificant things instead of falling asleep (ahh sleepovers). It was just a very positive time, and I was thankful for my placement there.

All this to say, the girls in my group this year reminded me of that year.

It was a little awkward the first night, as it always is, not having yet set the tone for the weekend's conversations, not wanting to be the first to say something a little more serious. But it was the conversation that took place on our last night that blessed and convicted me.

"My friend said she never wanted to come back to Bell Shoals again, because no one here cares about her, and everyone judges her."

We all sat for a few seconds processing what one of the girls had just shared. Less than an hour earlier, we'd listened to a sermon about being the church, about letting the Gospel effect our lives. There we were, with our failure to do so staring us in the face.

Being hearers only, not also doers.

Conviction in the room was evident as we talked about our desires to know and be known better. To truly love each other and accept people as Christ accepts them, because He was willing to accept even us. To remember to speak with grace and truth to each other.

The word we kept using was honesty. About our struggles, our sins, our thoughts, our joys. About the unconditional love we need in order to receive the honesty of others with humility and grace. About our inability to do so without the Holy Spirit and His Word.

Their desire to honor the Lord in their relationships was clear through our conversation and tears that night. But it was much more evident later when the whole department met up at a bonfire.

I saw the Lord convict them in a way that brought about change, as they put their words into action. Even now as I think about it, I am convicted anew that so many years of Straight Up Weekend came and went, and my condescending thoughts kept me from being truly affected because "that's sooo lame and I shouldn't need big events in order for God to speak to me."

I still think like this at times.

I almost limit my reactions and the timing of my obedience because I think that it's too typical for Him to speak at a conference or church event. Um? How much FOLLY can I pack into my mind at one time? The Lord is perfect. And events are planned with prayer and the hope of stirring up change. Yes, I should be walking in consistent repentance. True, it shouldn't take an event to cause me to think of the Lord and be convicted of sin. But being ashamed if I learn something life-changing through a church event is crazy.

Anyway, these girls showed me that no matter the timing of the conviction, it is the Lord's power and plan, and He is perfect.

They helped me to see that the church's desire to have genuine love and relationships isn't just something we throw around as a theory; it is an urgent matter of praxis. To truly care about people and be kind to people and speak truthfully to each other, even if it means taking the first step and feeling silly and vulnerable in front of someone.

I-- and I think this is common to the church-- need to remember that the Lord's opinion of me does not change with the opinions of others. And that the Lord comforts me so that I can comfort others (2 Corinthians 1:3-7). And He reveals Himself to me daily in order to bring Himself glory in my mind, but also in the minds of others as I "praise Him in the congregation." And that our trying to appear perfect, to other believers and unbelievers alike, takes praise away from the Lord. Hiding our struggles removes the chance to bear witness that even in the pain and difficulty of life, He is enough, He is joy and hope and peace, and, above all things, He is worthy of praise and honor and glory and of our willing obedience.

"For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them...Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor."

Part 2 of "Let love be genuine."

Forgetting to "Receive the Message With Great Eagerness"

A few weeks ago, I returned home from the Passion Conference I attended with the college ministry from my church. One thing I love about our group is our desire to hear and speak/sing truth. But one thing I've grown accustomed to-- one thing I dislike in myself and in our conversations-- is that search for truth ending in cynicism and grumbling. So often we hear one poor word choice and immediately hate an entire song. Or the pastor says one semi-ambiguous phrase so we assume his theologically-solid points to be a fluke and he a heretic. We're very extreme in our complaints. Sometimes, yes, in jest. But the type of jokes we look for trains our minds how to think and can affect us seriously.

As Christians, we need to "examine the Scriptures every day to see if what [our leaders] said was true" (Acts 17:11), but I think we've trained ourselves to focus so much on their saying something incorrectly or insufficiently that we've neglected our training to "receive the message with great eagerness."

Let's talk about worship songs for a second. It is crucial that our songs reflect truth and exalt Christ. I think they should be focused on the Lord and not on us. They should be saturated with the Gospel and the characteristics of God and His promises.

And I'm not saying we should mindlessly sing songs we don't understand because the sound pretty, or unthinkingly sing promises that we cannot keep even if we desire to ("I will always..." lines for example). 

The trouble starts when we're focused on word choices rather than the expressed truth.

"There must be factions among you, so that those who are genuine among you may be recognized", but "what causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?" (1 Corinthians 11:19; James 4:1)

We are acting in a manner common with the world when our pride causes us to harp on the weakness of others. Instead of thanking God for the grace that has sanctified us, we look condescendingly on those who, though seeking with a pure heart, may be mistaken on some points, as if we've always been right about everything.

Instead, "welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God" (Romans 15).

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord ('closely united in soul') and of one mind ('opinion fleshing itself out in action')."

"Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind... In your hearts, honor Christ as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with all gentleness and respect" (Philippians 2; 1 Peter 3).

Our theology is unimpressive and unimportant so long as it leads us into pride and hardheartedness. It is the beliefs that make us increasingly grateful and gracious that give our faith any value.