Don't Wait for Your Future Spouse

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil... giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5.

Women of God encouraging younger women of God to wait patiently for their husbands wooed me into a dissonance of trust and hope. See, over and over again, I was told that "if you just pray", "if you just give up your desires to the Lord", "if you just do what He has you doing now", He will bring the right man at the right time.

Let's translate that into how I perceived it as a 7th grader:

"As soon as you stop looking, you'll trip over him as he's on one knee proposing to you!"

"Focus on obeying God and suddenly there will be the man of your dreams right beside you!"

And how I feel when I find myself still single:

"You have not sufficiently given God your desires to marry."

"You are not obedient enough to warrant a husband."

Needless to say, it was discouraging. And it was also deceiving. Because that just isn't how it works. I wish I had thought through my perceptions before they became instilled in me as truth.

With this mindset, not only am I discouraged about my faith because of my lack of romantic relationships, but I am deceived by my own hidden motives. If I do this, I will get that. I walk in obedience in one direction, the whole time checking back over my shoulder to see if my husband is falling in love with me yet. Suddenly, my obedience and fervor to speak of and act out the Gospel is less about genuine concern and service rendered as unto the Lord, and more of a self-serving "sacrifice" meant to give me what I want.

Maybe this is just my idolatry of marriage playing in to my thoughts. I know this to be at least partially true, as I've been looking ahead to the time of being able to love someone and have them love me in return until death do us part since I was aboouuut 8 years old. So I know I've thrown in some of my own biases while interpreting these well-meaning ladies.

But I think we need to be more specific when it comes to encouraging women to wait and to trust.

God is so good. He knows what I need, who I need, where I need to go, what I need to do. He knows my hopes, and He knows what will best fulfill the desires of my heart because He's the One Who made them.

He doesn't promise that I will get everything I want, but He does promise that if I pursue first His Kingdom and righteousness, He will provide for me everything I need, as a loving father provides for his beloved son.

Need being the key word.

I do have fears of loneliness, but the only time I truly feel lonely is when I'm complaining to people about how lonely I am, because I feel like I'm supposed to, because I'm ridiculous and want pity and compliments. I want someone to tell me of my value in the eyes of men. This isn't a need.

This is silly.

An insult to the Lord, Who sustains and satisfies those who seek Him.

What I need is not to wait on something He doesn't promise, like a love story that puts all other romantic relationships to shame. Maybe one day He does have plans for me to marry, but future possibilities cannot eclipse my current responsibilities or inhibit my thanksgiving.

What I do need to wait for are the instructions that He will give, while living according to the commands He has already given. To actively be still, knowing that He is God. To "run in the path of [His] commands" with joy and trust and peace and self-discipline. 

I need to stop waiting for God to give in to my idolatry while excusing my idleness. I need to wait with hope because God is wiser than I am, His timing and gifts are perfect, He is good, and He loves me and wants what is actually best for me.

That is the best use of my time.

So what if it wasn't good for Adam to be alone, prompting God to make Eve? So what if the first relationship given to ease loneliness was a marital one? Marriage is a shadow of a reality we can all know in Christ-- married or unmarried-- as He betrothes Himself to us, just as He unites us with the Father and with the whole Church of God.

Romantic relationships are not the only ones in which we can be known and loved. They shouldn't be the only ones we put effort into. There are plenty of other interpersonal relationships in which we connect in mentally and spiritually, reminding us that we are fully known and cared for by God.

My value does not rest in the desire of a man; it rests in the constant and unchanging, finished work of Jesus Christ, making me, through faith, forever, an inheriting child of the High King and Creator of all the universe. That is huge.

What the heck does it matter if a cute boy thinks I'm pretty.

"Only God can judge me."

Cultural Jesus today is vastly different than Biblical Jesus.

The world remembers Jesus's love of the outcast but ignores His correction, His charge to the healed to "sin no more."

They remember "For God so loved the world," but ignore that "sending His only begotten Son" was necessary for that love to be salvific.

Our pride causes us to hate being corrected. Who do they think they are to tell me what to do? People appease themselves by saying "only God can judge me," but it is rare that they actually believe He will. If that were the case, they would welcome the correction of humans in light of the holiness and justice of God in His judgment and discipline.

Maybe this is the church's fault. We try so hard to play down the offense of the Gospel by quickly flying through the verses about "falling short" of His glory, being "children of wrath," and deserving His eternal punishment for our many crimes against our Creator. We skip right to the "good stuff," emphasizing His love, His interception of eternal death on our behalf so that we may, in turn, experience His life. And that is good stuff! But it cannot be fully realized if we do not feel the weight of His wrath, of our sinful natures and actions.

His wrath is also the "good stuff."

His justice and His righteousness and His faithfulness to His commands and holiness are very very good. (And what a relief it is to know that God is "not a man, that He should change His mind"!) Forgetting our problems and inability to please God, skipping right to "but don't worry, because He died for you," makes the Gospel man-centered. Skipping over the wrath is a disservice to those who may be called, regenerated, and justified by the Gospel.

Without a proper view of God's righteousness, it's easy to think Jesus died because of us, because God loved us too much to be separated from us. Sure, He does. But God also loves His Own glory. Making His enemies into His children, changing the sinful nature of their hearts into the perfect nature of His Son is glorious. This shift of focus from God to man causes all kinds of problems when  we interpret the Bible and apply it to our lives.

It's time to investigate if we love Jesus or we love how Jesus makes us feel about ourselves.

See, cultural Jesus accepts everyone, tolerates their behavior, and soothes them with words of affirmation that we wish to one day hear a significant other whisper over us as we fall asleep every night.

Cultural Jesus tells them he understands, he knows what it's like. Sin is hard to avoid and therefore you know, it's actually okay to keep sinning, maybe he was being a bit harsh.

Cultural Jesus looks exactly the way we want him to-- shaped according to our ideals, our morals, our hopes, our personalities, our sin. We form him in our image. We make sure his stances match up to our feelings. Cultural Jesus looks a lot like us, and we worship Him for it.

Biblical Jesus changes everything and everyone He comes in contact with. He doesn't look into our souls and tell us we're doing alright, just keep doin' you. He's not here to boost our self-esteem or status, but to give us a joy and confidence that stands unmoved forever outside of ourselves, dependent only on His unchangeable nature and power and kindness and victory, not on our successes and failures.

He is not one to give His approval to that which is shameful or harmful or impure. He is "the Way, the Truth, and the Life," and He brings us to the Father to be made new, refreshed by the beauty and closeness of fellowship with an entirely "other," supernatural Being.

Biblical Jesus has feelings, and He knows pain and distress and rejection. He is present and He is near to those who trust in Him. We get so offended when we think of His anger toward those who do not repent to trust in Him. We think that it's unfair. "Shouldn't a God of love, love everyone?," and "if He loves everyone, He couldn't condemn them to hell."

We see that lack of fellowship and dismiss Him as unjust, but He isn't the one rejecting the opportunity for salvation. He did His part, and it cost Him His life.

Biblical Jesus does love us in our sinful state, and He does take us as we are. He doesn't require us to make ourselves clean in order to come to Him.

Biblical Jesus also loves us enough to strengthen and lead us and to "work in us to will and to work according to His good pleasure." We feel the you is kinds, you is smarts, and you is importants of the world in our souls, but there is even greater encouragement in Christ. His intimate knowledge of you, of your individuality, your passions, your fears. And with the fullest possible knowledge of you, He intercedes, He repairs, He shapes.

What greater encouragement exists? He does not make you less you; He makes you more you than you ever knew you could be, because He's the One that designed you! What better freedom is there to be found in this world than to belong to and be skillfully developed by the One Who formed every part of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual being?

Biblical Jesus isn't just the Priest to sacrifice for us, He is the King and the Judge. He isn't just righteous, He is the Lawgiver and Executor. He is simultaneously requiring us to be and making us holy.

Believer, "you are not your own, for you were bought with a price." You cannot make yourself lost to the One Who purchased you. You are His. He will seek you when you stray, He will satisfy your deepest soul-longings when you stay. 

People accept cultural Jesus because He thinks they're great just the way they are.

Biblical Jesus accepts us because He died to make us acceptable. Literally died for us. Hello. 

One would allow you to live your life in a way he knows to be dangerous just because you enjoy it for now.
The Other was raised from the dead so we could walk in obedience, in that which is truly "life and breath and everything," "because you are precious in [His] eyes, and honored, and [He loves] you."

He has "set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life."

Can I Please God if I'm Just a...?

Related in part to my previous post, found here.

It's very easy for us Christians to feel stuck in a mold. We look around, trying to model our lives after those we admire. We try to conform to their beliefs and personalities and books. Instead of looking to imitate them as they imitate Christ in a way personal to us, we attempt to repeat their choices. 

So, the Church can become a semi-indistinguishable mass when it comes to our futures goals. Everyone wants to be in full-time ministry or a missionary, not taking into consideration if their personalities or persistent struggles line up with it. 

There is caution to be taken. 

It isn't shameful to step back and acknowledge that maybe your quick-tempered, impatient, or somber personality, or the fact that you are prone to condescension or gossip or people-pleasing probably should exclude you from becoming a prominent church leader. 

And there are also spiritual gifts to be considered, because the Holy Spirit controls them and He knows what we've been created to do. We are all equipped with different talents and interests given to us by God to diligently study, practice, and improve upon. And He has given these skills very specifically, according to His will.

We all have different personalities, and, even if we are in the process of being sanctified, some aspects of said personalities should cause us to rethink placing ourselves in a position in which we know we will stumble and possibly destroy the Lord's reputation to hundreds or even thousands of people. We don't need to knowingly place ourselves in tempting situations to prove we are stronger than sin. Running in the opposite direction will typically prove more efficient.

Look, the desire to lead a congregation is a great thing. Many people are made for ministerial jobs, and if those truly called and equipped were not willing, we little sheep would be in sore shape. However, there are other jobs and activities that can bring glory to God. You don't need to be at the pulpit or in the jungle to make a difference for the Lord, and we shouldn't pretend that "secular" jobs are ever truly secular for the Christian. 

God made each of us individually. We shouldn't feel pressure to ignore things which stir up our affections for Him. Personally, any time I read something about space, or the order found through scientific study, or archaeology, or even architecture, I am filled with awe for the Lord and how He maintains His creation and reputation throughout all time. The study or practice of any subject that creates that response in us is worship. Maybe through the discipline of sports or the creative planning of an outfit or the building of furniture causes you to think of the Lord with thankfulness and awe. No Christian should ever tell you that is not a holy occupation. 

It is frustrating to me that we tend not to encourage pursuing a career as an engineer or business owner or, I don't know, race car driver as much as we encourage those who talk about working at a church or in a foreign country. Why do we see anything a Christian does as "common", when God has redeemed us through His Son, calling us and our lives "holy to the Lord," dedicated to His purpose?

Becoming a pastor would be disobedience for the man God called to mow lawns. Forsaking the comforts of home to do full-time missions in a dangerous place would be sin for the woman God called to take care of her elderly parents back home. (And of course the opposite can also be true.)

Every job becomes holy when the person doing it has been reconciled to the Lord and "honors Him as holy" (1 Peter 3:15). And there are no inherently "holy" occupations that would excuse you for ignoring God's direction. 

Above all, we are never excused from sharing the Gospel, no matter our personalities or occupations. If we're better suited to do that by "low-class" work, do it with passion and diligence, for the glory of the Lord. If suited to "high-profile" work, do it with that same passion and diligence, for the glory of the Lord. If it is His calling for us, we should never be swayed by the title and "nobility" of the task, only by the title and nobility of the Christ Who bought us with His blood. Our consideration should be "always, only Christ" and how we can be of most use to Him today.

Whatever situation the Lord has for us, remember Him and acknowledge Him in all your ways. That is the occupation He commends.