June 27, 2018: 7 Years Later

Didn't really have time until now to sit and really think about today. 7 years ago we lost someone very dear to us. I miss Jake. He was a brother I loved, a friend I treasured, a teacher I respected. I thank God for the years we had with him.

The months following tragedy are often engulfed in feelings of disbelief, disappointment, confusion, anger, and fear. There are times when everything feels surreal, and times when deep realization crashes into you, knocking you over again. Sometimes it's hard to believe tomorrow will come, and, honestly, do you really want it to?

In the Old Testament, the Lord spoke about farming cycles for the Israelite's crops, giving the land rest every 7th year. My family was thrown into a new land, a new way of life, in 2011. Years pass, and in some ways, you grow comfortable. You feel acclimated. You begin to lose sight of how God provided for you in the beginning of it.

This 7th year has been one of drought for me. Nothing seemed to grow, and I felt constantly at the end of myself. Spiritually I didn't feel like I had anything to offer. But as it comes to a close, I reflect again on new beginnings. On God's provision. His care. His intentionality.

He planned this path for me. Just as He called Israel to do, He brought me into a fallow year. Looking over the past 7 years, I see His hand keeping me, guiding me, being so so kind to me. Looking ahead, I pray I walk in thankfulness and wisdom and love.

We are so quick to forget. We start to rely on ourselves and think silly thoughts that lead us away from God because we're distracted by things that seem great in the moment but leave us feeling like we're missing something.

But even when we run after other things, God is faithful. This year has reminded me that I cannot be a Christian without leaning, at every moment, on Christ. Yet through pain, through forgetfulness, through disobedience, God leads His children. He loves them. He forgives them. He gives them rest.