"Even our tears of repentance need to be washed in the blood of the Lamb!"

God, please forgive me for spending more time and energy reacting to my circumstances than to Your holiness, love, and commands.

...for feeling more sorrow over my losses than over my sin.

...for meditating more on my feelings than Your Truth.

...for so often having in mind the things of men and not of You.

...for being more willing to talk about my life to others than to the One Who orchestrates my life.

...for trusting more in the comfort of others than the comfort of the One Who created my feelings.

...for clinging to this world instead of the Creator, Sustainer, and Savior of it.

You are worthy of all things. All praise, glory and honor forever and ever!

When God's Timing Confuses You

"...Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."

I'm not sure I have much to say-- at least maybe not directly pertaining to Israel and the time we've had here-- but I think I do have much to say (truly... be warned about the length of this post) about the TIMING of being here and the God Who wisely and sovereignly orchestrated it. 

As most of you know, my brother-in-law was called Home a month and 5 days ago, and Olivia and I left a little over a week after that. I've mulled over this decision many times, wondering if this was right, if it really was the best decision, and the nights where I feel the most grief I think maybe not. But it's a very good thing that my feelings don't dictate truth. They don't always even indicate it. God dictates truth. So while I often feel maybe it would be nice to be home, I know that this was the will of God for me to be here, because it happened and God is sovereign. Nothing I do can happen unless He says it can happen-- just as in Job 1:6-12, God tells Satan to ask Him to test Job, and then He gives the permission for it to happen. If God has power even over the actions of His enemy, why would we think any differently about His sovereignty over us, His people?

Here now, in my room in Israel, I'm thinking over the past few weeks so far. They've been filled with exploring, organizing, CD-making, book-selling, and falafel. We've had little opportunity (well, there's people everywhere, so I don't know if I can really say this) to share the Gospel, but we have been aiding in this ministry's sharing of the Gospel.

Unfortunately, with the lack of speaking the Gospel to others, I think I have also fallen out of the habit of speaking it to myself. I can't lie, my heart lately has felt burdened and tired, like maybe this faith in me is not true after all or maybe my initial joy and peace really was (as I feared people thinking) just me not accepting the facts that someone I love very very dearly and looked up to so much would no longer be available for conversation, advice, Bible-interpretation, brotherly love and friendship, laughs, or, more importantly, partnership for my sister. However, (!!!) he instead has attained the goal for which he was running-- the salvation of his soul.

Those of us still here, though now for a little while are grieved by this and other various trials, which test the genuineness of our faith in order to bring praise, glory, and honor to God at the revelation of Jesus Christ, rejoice in the future hope of our own departure to be with Christ (1 Peter 1, Philippians 1:23).

In this time and the many times to follow, may I never forget the atoning blood that flowed out of even deeper pain, but equal sovereignty-- this blood that redeemed my life, that bought Jacob his innocent verdict and a warm welcome as he stood before our Creator and Judge. What a comfort to know that the Lord has as much wisdom and care in the plans for each part of our lives as He did in planning His eternal redemption through His Son. May I never forget His goodness and worth! There is deep pain in the night, but joy, true joy, comes in the LORD, not just in the morning!

I was talking (well...typing) with my sister the other day and talking about how wise God is and how foolish we are, thinking so often that Jake's death disrupted our plans for our future, when they were just that: our plans. God's plans remain firmly in place, and have since the beginning of time. We think now the future is so uncertain... but how silly! for when did we ever know our future? We know as much now as we did before, it's just that the plans of our heart had different circumstances to work with at the time. These have been God's plans from the beginning, and they are good. May our faith be found genuine, our trust be found in Christ! By grace alone can we continue to stand, despite our weaknesses!

I feel much more acquainted with this weakness lately. Acquainted much more closely than I'd like to be, but I think that is a great lesson from this. My weakness, my utter helplessness without His power and grace and joy and peace. I forget Philippians 4 says that while I'm making my prayer and supplication in everything, I am to do so with thanksgiving! "Thanksgiving?" you may ask. "For what?" For Isaiah 55:8-9. For Philippians 2:13. For Ephesians 1:13-14. For Genesis 1:1. For John 19:30. For everything God is, does, says, wills. There is, in fact, nothing that we shouldn't thank God for! All things He works together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

Just the good and happy things? No. I don't see that anywhere in the Bible. I see "all things", which, I'm sure, if you look in the Greek, at the cultural context, each of the cross-references, they will all come to one conclusion: ALL things. Everything. Happy and heart-wrenching alike. Do you doubt this?

Sometimes my actions confirm that I doubt. When I doubt, I'm doubting not only the Holy Bible, but also the Holy God Who wrote it. Job 2:10: "Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive adversity?" Job 1:21: "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the Name of the Lord."

The Holy Spirit confirms that this doubt is sin. In those times, I must seek His face and heart and will. I must repent and submit and rejoice, thanking Him that as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are His ways and thoughts higher than mine (Isaiah 55:8-9) and that, because He is perfect in wisdom and power, He doesn't allow my (short-sighted) plans to happen. 

Is that always a natural reaction? Heck no. Does that make it any less required? Also, no. "Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-- through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans 7:24).

So... while I am still in mourning, I am being taught to be constant in rejoicing and content in Christ. When Jake was born, Who ordained it? When Jake met and married my sister and became a part of my family, Who brought it together? When Jake died, Who ordered it to be so? God. He is always on the throne in Heaven; may He be always on the throne in my heart, soul, mind and strength.

Oh how I've been learning the dissatisfaction of this world and the value of Christ! Though I've been feeling home-sick, wanting to be with my family, my sister, my friends, my church...even more than that He's creating in me a Home-sickness that is centered around His Heaven, my true Home, His presence forever! He has made Psalm 73:25 my cry.

Though perhaps I do not feel as close to my Creator, my Sustainer, my Salvation, my Comforter, my Joy, and my Strength as I would like, I know His character, I know His Word, and I know that both of those confirm that He is here, He is working, He is healing, and He is sanctifying. This process is often painful but still pleasant, because we know the end result: 1 John 3:2-3, which tells us we shall be made like Him for we shall see Him as He is. So, the end result? Glorification. Total conformation to the image of the Son. No more sin. No more desire to sin. Christ. To die is great gain!

"He can do all things, and no purpose of His can be stopped. He is our God. And because He is our God, even when we don't have our questions answered, even when we don't know the purpose, we can have hope and we can have rest and we can even have joy, because He is Who He is and we belong to Him. At the heart of it is knowing Who God is and knowing Who is God. He is God and because He is God, that is enough." -Stephen Rummage

My mind knows truth, and I must remind myself of these Truths, to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Him" so that my faulty flesh will follow my corrected thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:5). Please pray that I would not allow my feelings to dictate what I believe, but that truth would dictate my feelings!

God is wise. He is moving. He will not yield His glory to another.
He is sovereign over salvation. He will not yield His glory to another.
His plans are right, good, exciting.
He's perfect, atoning, alive.
He is Messiah, His Word incorruptible, His body unable to be contained in the grave.
His Kingdom advancing. His Gospel proclaiming. His plans succeeding.
He will not yield His glory to another.

“Worthy is the Lamb Who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing!...Amen! Blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might be to our God forever and ever! Amen."

Amen. MARANATHA.

Thank You for Praying

"Rejoice in the Lord, O you righteous, and give thanks to His holy Name... Know that the Lord, He is God! It is He Who made us, and we are His." Psalm 97:12, 100:3.

Thank you all for praying Jake. Please continue to pray that my sister and our families would rejoice in the will of God, praise the Name of God, and trust in the perfect character of God.

Even when we don't understand His will, we must remember His worth and act accordingly. His plans have been firmly established since the beginning of time and there is nothing that can happen apart from Him. And He is GOOD all the time; all the time, He is good! Let us practice what we just sang at church and continuously rejoice in the sovereignty we so vigorously defend, in the hard times as we do in the happy times (I almost said "good" but He has declared His will to be good and He has accomplished it).

My brother-in-law, Jacob, has attained the prize for which he was running and seen the face of the Lord he was serving. Jake has seen God as He is and been transformed into the likeness of His Son (1 John 3:2). In life, he was being guarded by God's power for an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading that he has now, by the grace of God, obtained (1 Peter 1).

Praise the sovereign, wise, matchless, worthy, loving Father, Son, and Holy Spirit! Thank you for your prayers, fellow Body and Bride of Him Who is worthy of all praise in the midst of all things!

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace!"

"Carried by Your constant grace, held within Your perfect peace... we know every victory is Your power in us... Every step we are breathing in Your grace, evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise. You are faithful, God, You are faithful."

Doing All This in Your Name

Yesterday one of the girls on the cheerleading team I coach closed her prayer with, "...doing all this in Your Name." As I thought back over the past hour, I was ashamed and terrified for us. Disrespecting, shouting, gossiping, anger, frustration, impatience, pride... all in His Name?

We hear it all the time-- doing all things for the glory of God, doing things in His Name-- but for some reason it really struck me yesterday.

All things.

As a follower of Christ, I am also an "ambassador for Christ" (2 Corinthians 5:20). In all that I do, I am a witness for or against Him. I draw people to or away from Him.

My actions are supposed to be a representation of Who God is, "as though God were making His appeal through us." The lives of those who have "been brought near" are to be the testimony of a God Who is Creator and Sustainer and Redeemer and Sanctifier (Ephesians 2:12-13).

Instead, so many times, our actions and words and thoughts tell a different story, and we excuse  it with our humanity and other people's actions. But God did not choose us, Jesus did not die for us, and the Holy Spirit did not regenerate and seal us, just so we could continue to live according to our flesh; we were doing a perfectly good job of that without the intervention of His atoning blood and sacrifice. We were not made new so we could continue to "conform to the pattern of this world", but to be like Christ (Romans 12:2)!

All things for His Name.

Everything we do is taken into account by the world, shaping their thoughts of God. Are we really living for the glory of the Creator, Sustainer, Redeemer, Sanctifier God or are we living for our false gods? gods that don't save-- delusions that "turn [His] glory into shame" because we attach His Name to lives that bow to much different ideals (Psalm 4:2)?

If we instead "walk by the Spirit, [we] will not gratify the desires of the flesh" (Galatians 5:16). Even further, "clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh" (Romans 13:14).

So often we live for ourselves, selfishly, pridefully blaming others for our sin. "For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?" (1 Corinthians 3:3). Do we really suppose that any person will be held more accountable for our actions than we are for our reactions? We must learn, "in whatever situation [we are], to be content"  and to "outdo one another in showing honor" (Philippians 4:11, Romans 12:10). To "make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification" (Romans 14:19).

All things for His glory, because He's the only One worthy of glory. He's the only One that has glory. And He has enough glory to fill the entire world as the waters cover the seas (Habakkuk 2:14, Isaiah 6:3, 40:5)!

God help me to praise Yoy and serve You with all I am, because all I am has been redeemed by and for You. Your Name be praised!

"Amen! Praise and glory and wisdom and thanks and honor and power and strength be to our God for ever and ever. Amen!" Revelation 7:12.